Celebrity Weekly Round-up: Roc & Roe, let's go!

People, we did it! We made it to Friday! Time to kick off the weekend (and yes,I do consider Fridays at work part of the weekend because, let's be honest here, you're not working today) with some celebrity stories.

I'm starting it off today with the biggest celebrity news of the week: Mariah Carey finally popped out dem babies. They were 100 lbs, 60 inches long, and were born at 3560 days gestation. Mother is resting comfortably, the daughter is off getting her hair did and the father is shooting hoops in the family's indoor basketball court.

They were born Saturday and kept the names a mysterious mystery for several days. Picture this: I was out running errands at lunch one day and when I walked in, my friend says to me, "AMANDA. Moroccan and Monroe." And I'm all, "excuse me? I didn't have a liquid lunch, did you?" And she's all, "That's what Mariah Carey named her kids."

I've been around celebrity crazies for a long time and I've heard plethora of bizarro names: Apple, Kal-El, Pilot Inspektor. And I have to say, Mariah Carey's baby names aren't as bad some, until you find out her reasoning for them:

- Moroccan Scott's middle name comes from Nick Cannon's own middle name, which is also his grandmother's middle name (sweet and normal)
- Moroccan Scott's first name comes from the top tier of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's apartment, which has a Moroccan inspired decor and was the site of Nick Cannon's proposal (also, can we talk about the fact that they have a top tier of their NYC apartment?)  I'm not for certain, but this may also be where they took their nasty nudie pics while she was preggers. Yeeks.

As for the little girl:

- Monroe is named after  Marilyn Monroe, Mariah's idol and inspiration.
- Monroe 's middle name is nothing. She has no middle name because her mother has no middle name. Basically she's named after her mother.

Nick Cannon already has nicknames for them: Roc and Roe. Stellar.

I wonder if cray cray is hereditary.

Speaking of things you are born with and things you are not, what happened to Bristol Palin's face?

(That transition was painful. My apologies.)

Yeah, looks like "teen activist" and "dancer" and woman-about-town had her face done.

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Oh sweetie. Oh. Sweetie. That's clearly a chin implant. Wait. Sorry. That's clearly "a good night's sleep" and makeup. If a pseudo-celebrity has plastic surgery in the forest and nobody is around to take pictures of her on a red carpet she has no business walking down, does she make a sound? Yes. It's the sound of her 15 minutes tick, tick, ticking away.

A couple hooligans whose 15 minutes are just starting are up next. I vaguely  remember something happening last week that had It's Blogworthy all abuzz, but couldn't quite remember the details. Thank the Lord, then, for US Weekly, who reminded me gently that THE ROYAL WEDDING JUST HAPPENED AND THINGS RELATED KEEP HAPPENING.

Reporters keep relating the royal wedding to a fairytale, and what fairytale is complete without some buffoons who hang around the princess to give us all a good laugh.

Enter Kate Middleton Princess Catherine's younger brother and sister, James Middleton and Pippa Middleton.

James likes football, travel and taking semi-naked pictures with his hands in his pants.

Pippa likes shopping, champagne and dancing in her bra at parties.

I'm sure Queen Elizabeth is so proud those genes are entering into the pool. Honestly, though, aren't those two links more entertaining than anything the royals have done in the past 30 years?

Cray cray is hereditary; class is not.

Enjoy the weekend!

What were your favorite stories of the week? Do you want to see less of Bristol Palin and more of the Middletons?

Celebrity Week Round-up: The one where I give the Internet a stern talking to

Another Friday is upon us! It's a good Friday for two reasons:

1. It's actually Good Friday.
2. I'm took a Paid Time Off day slash mental health day slash if I have to fix another broken link on the website at work, someone will have to lock me up day.

In fact, while you're reading this, I might either be still sleeping (not likely if you're reading this after about 8 am), lounging on the couch or dipping my baby's toes in the Atlantic Ocean for the VERY FIRST TIME. How's that for a Friday?

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Speaking of Friday, remember Rebecca Black? Of course you do. If you could hear that atrocious song and get away with it NOT burnt permanently into your brain, you're a stronger person than I. She's only been trending on Twitter for, like, 14 years. Although her only achievement thus far are being famous for singing a crappy song that went viral, she's not under police protection after recieving death threats.

Ok. What? I don't condone death threats. At all. I'm what you'd call anti-death threat. So, what special kind of cray-cray (I'm going to keep using this phrase until it's a thing) wastes their time threatening a girl who probably has nothing and has done nothing. I threw together this handy-dandy death-threat flow chart to demonstrate my point:

Try to get that song out of your head now. And.....Tangent time! 

I had a conversation not long ago with Jenn on Twitter about viral videos and other Internet fueled ridiculousness. Using Friday as an example: you have the early adopters who originally found this video and sent it to their other early adopter friends. Then a few other people pick it up. Then you have the early majority (like your best friend who didn't check her email all week) and the late majority (like when your Mom says, "say, have you seen this funny video? ahahahaha, so cute!") 

It's the diffusion of innovation theory, sort of.

Except on the internet, it goes to another level. Suddenly something that was a huge joke, (Friday, Charlie Sheen, as two examples) is now mainstream. I saw somewhere that Rebecca Black's song was sampled in a real artists' song? I mean ridiculous.

That's when I get simultaneously embarrassed to be a part of the Internet and mad at every single person who mashed the "Share link" button on YouTube. I'm mad at Yahoo for picking it up, or Good Morning America for doing an interview with her. I just want to hit the Internet on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and say "BAD INTERNET!" I want to rub it's nose in the crap it produced and tell the Internet sternly, "Don't you dare do that again!" 

But it always does.

Wait, there's more!

LeeAnn "homewrecker" Rimes decided the double standard in country music is to blame with her breaking up two marriages (hers and Cibian's).

 "[Country music] has such a double standard. You know, Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash and all these guys. God knows what they did back in the day? And if a woman did it, you never were accepted or forgiven. But if it was a guy, it was just their life… It's quite interesting to have to navigate those waters as a woman in this business."

Yeah. I'm sure that's it.

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Finally, are reality stars ever going to stop getting rich just by being awful people on TV? Bethenny Frankel used reality TV to spawn a $120 million media empire, so until that stops happening? The answer is no.

Enjoy your weekends, folks!

Celebrity Weekly Round-up: Shut up about MTV shows already

Finally Friday, people! Although my weekend will be spent knee deep in a torn up house, as we discovered a water leak last night and will have to have our wall or floor torn up (yay, homeownership!), I'm still excited for the weekend for lots of reasons.

Extra baby cuddles.

"Sleeping in".

Messing around on the Internet without IS breathing down my back.

Watching MTV shows I've recorded.

That's why I can't shut up about Teen Mom 2. I know, I know. We've talked about it before. But I'm starting off this Weekend Round-Up with my first little bit of gossip from Teen Mom 2. I have a mild fascination with Leah and Corey, parents of twins and newlyweds from my home state of West Virginia. Their outdoor, cammo themed wedding was filmed for the season finale.

Is there trouble in paradise!? OK Magazine reported the couple filed for divorced this week. They seemed relatively normal and well-adjusted throughout the series and even at the "reunion" show, but they are 19-years-old.

Speaking of MTV shows, I'm sort of addicted, you guys. I started watching My Life as Liz and am inexplicably obsessed. Is it a reality show? Is it a scripted drama? No, it's a bizarre, hybrid love child of the two. It doesn't even PRETEND to be a scripted drama, a la The Hills, but clearly it is. The cast is comprised of either really bad actors or actors who are really good at reality TV. Like happening upon a really bad car wreck, I can't look away.

The show stars this girl who is trying to be all hipster and alternative. Are people still called "alternative"? She is rebelling against the typical blonde Barbie girls of her small Texas town, so she wears funny t-shirts and skinny jeans and dyed her hair red and hangs out with nerdy guys.

I got hooked during maternity leave when my Mom and Dad were visiting. I watched a marathon and at one point I realized Dad was watching too when he asked who one of the characters was. "He's Bryson. I think she is dating him? Or wants to? And I think he's dating somebody else? And I thinks he's shy?" You know you've got a doozy on your hands when questions are answered with more questions.

The other night we were watching Fantasty Factory and after it was over some other random show called RJ Burger or some nonsense came on. Hubby said, "Oh, I'll record this, looks like something that you would like." And I was all, "Pshaw! NO! I'm not 17, thankyouverymuch."  Fifeteen minutes later I was hooked.

Wait, I'm off track. More celebrity news y'all don't care about.

Taylor Swift bought her Mom and Dad a $1.4 million home.

Dear my Mom and Dad: Sorry I'm not T-Swift.

Dear Baby Blogworthy: Please remember this when you're older.

Dear Hutch: Please skip over this one because we all know how you feel about T-Swift.

via

Who watches Dancing with the Stars, raise your hands? I personally watch it for Maks, that sweet hunk of Eastern European man meat. This year he's dancing with Kirstie Alley and they have had some little spills, like a few weeks ago when he just fell down, then this week when she lost her shoe.

It makes little sense that Kirstie Alley is still in the competition after so many flubs, until you realize she's a phoenix and will continuously raise from the ashes of her destroyed career until it's just her and Betty White. Believe me, it'll happen. 

But Betty White will always win.

Have a happy weekend, all!

Anything I missed? Comment it!

Celebrity Weekend Round-up: Mariah Carey is still pregnant.

It's Friday, people, GET EXCITED.

People sure were excited for Friday all week at work. Remember the dry erase board artists? They struck again (sort of):

The "art" if you will accumulated slowly throughout the week. Today? GONE. All of it. I was sure I'd come in and some other clever individual would have some beautiful Friday artwork. Maybe they'd pull out the purple and yellow markers and design a Friday message so mind-blowing that we could all pack it up and immediately go home.

Instead some sourpuss erase the whole thing. Boo to you, sourpuss.

Let's celebrate this weekend with a few celebrity stories, shall we? Think of it as some virtual dry erase board art all up in your business.

First, Mariah Carey is still pregnant, and celebrated by taking some nudie pics with her husband.

Ok, so, why does it feel like Mariah Carey has been pregnant for 18 years? I expect, any day now, for US Weekly to run an article about how Mariah Carey gave birth in a bathtub full of Dom Pérignon and celebrated her twins' graduation in the same day. Cigars, birthday cake and placenta for everyone!

The pregnant body is beautiful and blah blah blah, but really? you're going to describe them as NASTY? I bet  Mariah Carey has a whole room in her mansion dedicated to hiding her embarrassing photography, including the picture where she painted her pregnant belly with a picture of a butterfly.

Mariah Carey has the cray-cray.

In reality TV news, MTV has ordered Jersey Shore spin-offs for three of the cast members. There goes the neighborhood. And by neighborhood, I mean a whole generation of teenagers.

Please join me in a rousing chorus of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

What else, what else...Oh, Kevin Federline needs to be fixed. Seriously, whoever is telling him that continuing to procreate needs to stop. I'm thinking about putting a little donation button over on the sidebar for "Kevin Federline Vasectomy Awareness".

Some math!!

Kevin Federline + model/prettylady/popsinger = babies X 5 / 3 mommies

Now that's math I can get behind.

If Kevin Federline can have that many children with that many pretty girls, there's hope for everyone out there.

Your thoughts on any of these stories? What did I miss (besides a lot)(actually, pretty slow news week this week). Sound off!

Celebrity Round Up: Thank God I'm not a Teen Mom

Welcome to Friday, friends! And not a moment too soon, either. Who's ready for some already stale celebrity news and my commentary?

We'll start out with Teen Mom. Chelsea, who has daughter Aubree (that's two Es, make note) with ex-boyfriend Adam, has decided that he can't see his daughter until he pays $2000 back child support. And presumably, gets a job and a place to live. And more presumptions here: stops working on his car 24/7.

I want to talk about Teen Mom for a minute. Pull up a chair and let's chat.

I started getting into 16 and Pregnant right around the same time as I was, myself, pregnant. Actually, I was almost twice as old as these girls and pregnant, but they don't have shows like that (wait, yes they do, A Baby Story -- how soon I forget the approximately 40 hours of that show I watched during maternity leave). I was fascinated with three things:

1. How uneducated these girls were about basic reproductive biology
2. The actual giving birth part of it, because in my mind, if a 16 year old girl could push out a baby, I could consider it NBD for me to push one out, too.
3. The blatant disrespect a lot of these young fathers had for the mothers of their children, because I don't care how old or young you are, carrying a child is no joke.

The very first one I watched featured Chelsea, a slightly spoiled teenager who lived with her doting father and thought she and her "prince charming" (in the loosest sense of the word) would raise their child and live happily ever after. Those dreams were shattered when he TEXED her a break up. And he called her a "stretch mark bitch" while he was at it.

Saying I was appalled only scratched the surface.

I watched all these girls: Leah (a West Virginia girl pregnant with twins after dating her boyfriend for only a month); Kailyn (who lived with her babydaddy in his family's McMansion); and Janelle (whose boyfriend was a "model" and whose mother is a crazy). They were tied together by the common bond of naivety -- not irresponsibility, because most of the girls on this show aren't BAD kids.

Save for Janelle. She is a piece of work. Gave up custody of her son so she could get her life back together, and by get her life back together she means stealing her Mom's credit cards to go on an impromptu road trip to NJ with her boyfriend and smoking pot literally less than 100 feet from where her son lives.

Clearly, most of these girls (except for Janelle) are doing the best they can with the situation they are in. Chelsea doesn't work or go to school and can't manage to finish a handful of classes to get a high school degree, but has a supportive, loving family and adores her daughter. Leah and her babydaddy showed more maturity handling their relationship than most college students (with the added burden of a mysterious medical problem with one of their beautiful twin girls)(and they seem to really love each other despite all these challenges). Kailyn realizes being with her son's father and fighting constantly would be worse for her child than if they stayed together, and works two jobs (while going to school).

I like watching this season because they aren't girls who pawn their children off on parents and party every night. MTV cast a relatively level headed bunch (again, except for Janelle). I have to say, they *appear* to be holding it together better than I do most days, and these girls are half my age. Anyway, I'm a fan and that's my little guilty pleasure.

But that doesn't mean I can't make fun of Leah and her redneck boyfriend -- after all, the are my West Virginia kinfolk.

In other big and marginally sad celebrity news, Liz Taylor died this week and was laid to rest yesterday at Forest Lawn Memorial Garden. I don't know about y'all, but my Facebook feed lit. UP. Liz Taylor fans came out of the woodwork. Apparently, we were all big fans and didn't know it. I hope she's found peace because she did a lot of good on this earth. Although someone who shall remain nameless (but is also my son's grandmother) will never forgive her for breaking up Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher.

Happy Friday, Everybody! Enjoy the weekend!

Don't get sad this Valentine's Day

Hi.

Hello.

Happy Valentine's Day to you.

Oh. You hate Valentine's Day, you say. It drives you into a deep, powerful depression? Is it because you're lonely? Hate crowds? Allergic to roses?

Well, I"m here to tell you, on this beautiful holiday (with promotional considerations from Hallmark, Russell Stover and the Olive Garden)(because isn't that where people go for romantic dates?)(I need to get out more), that it's closing time for your pity party -- you don't have to go home, but you CAN'T STAY HERE FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.

Feel sorry for Charlie Sheen instead.

Sure, you might not have a boyfriend, girlfriend or husband. Or maybe you're the only person in your office who didn't recieve $50 roses delivered straight to your cubicle. But it could be worse.

You could have recently been rushed to the hospital after smoking and snorting a briefcase full of coke while partying in the room in your mansion dubbed the "Porn Room" with -- surprise, surprise -- porn stars. Then you could have been released from the hospital into "in-home rehab", which I'm sorry, sounds pretend.

And the porn stars look down and pity you.

And you could have just finalized your third divorce in 15 years.

And the only real success you've had since the 80s, a TV show that's inexplicably popular, could be cancelled because you can't get your crap together.

And when somebody Googles you, these searches could come up:

In 0.12 seconds, Google could pull up a search presuming you're dead. And on any given day, that could be 60% true.

So this year, don't get sad face about this wonderful day, this tribute to true love. Call someone and tell them you love them, then embrace the fact that you aren't Charlie Sheen.

There's always a table open at the Olive Garden.

For your Halloween enjoyment, I present the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Opulence. They has it.

Bravo has graciously given us another gaggle of *frightful* women who have decidedly more money than sense. I can't figure out how this one is different than the original Real Housewives of OC, because the new crew all seem just as tanned, fake and *zombie*-like as the original OCs, but somehow it's different. Let's not question Bravo's motives too closely, shall we?

Meet the characters:

• Lisa VanderPump-Todd - "Restaurant Owner" "Entrepreneur" "Dog owner" (the last one is for real). Apparently, a type of Beverly Hills rich lady whose children have long left the nest and replaced them with dogs. Tiny, skittish little dogs. With bows and sweaters who drink Fuiji water out of gold plated bowls and who poop in handbags that cost more than my entire closet of clothing. She lives in a palatial home with her husband, a crap-ton of dogs, and a personal trainer/friend/hanger-on/squatter/possibly gay BFF who is approximately 30 years younger. Don't worry, her husband is cool with it. Unless he's not gay, in which case he might have a Situation on his hands. Lisa hasn't seen her original face since 1982.

• Adrienne Maloof-Nassif - Part of some high-powered West Coast family who owns, like, half of Vegas and the Sacramento Kings. She's also kind of bad ass -- like she did some ninja karate move on her son and slammed him on the ground just so she could prove to her plastic surgeon husband that she was a tough broad (mission...accomplished) *spooky*

• Kyle Richards - Famous for being an "actress" in the 70s. Also Paris Hilton's aunt. Also likes to make babies when she's not working. *spooky*

• Kim Richards - Famous for being in Escape from Witch Mountain when she was a child, never learned any type of social interaction skills, and now has tons of money, lots of kids and lungs that are filled with helium (apparently) (judging by the way she talks) (which is super annoying) (and she also hates everyone). *spooky*

• Camille Grammer - Married to Kelsey Grammer for one hot second, or enough hot seconds for her to have two children with him. OH WAIT. She didn't actually give birth to her children, she had them via surrogate even though she was perfectly capable of having them herself, just didn't want to lose her figure. I'm not making that up. And let's just say, Camille Grammer probably could use a hamburger. *spooky*

• Taylor Armstrong - I still can't figure out what she does. Wikipedia says she's founder of eImplement, Inc. That sounds made up. And Wikipedia can't even find that as it's own entry not associated with this show. And my high school in the hills of WV has an entry, and we only had 400 people total in the whole school, so I'm questioning the legitimacy of eImplement Inc. We all know that Wikipedia does not lie. Anyway, Taylor also likes to get botox in her temples so that it looks like she has face tumors, and stir the *cauldron* of drama amongst these lovely, *goulish* ladies. *spooky*

• A very  Scary and Rich *Boogey* Monster - Married to a hotelier and spends her days shopping, designing shoes for her new line of stilettos, and scaring innocent young children by jumping out of their closets during the witching hour.

In the first episode, the ladies take a trip to Sacramento to watch a Kings game courtside, and while they are *cackling*, *howling* and doing some funky-fresh dance moves with the mascot, some Joe Schmo, the most die-hard Kings fan on the planet, who saved weekly for months for a crappy nosebleed seat, silently weeps all his facepaint off into his #1 foam finger. *spooky*

Then before or after - I don't know, there was so much awesome that it all blended together - the ladies went to a classy restaurant and acted foolish while Kim demonstrated her competence in the art of bitchface and Lisa's dog licked everyone's plates. *spooky*

 Oh, also in the episode, Kim (whose hair I would seriously cut someone for), talks about how one time, she was out to dinner with her niece, PARIS HILTON, and the papparazi was all, KIM! KIM! Over here! And PARIS HILTON was all, "Um, Aunt  Kim why are they taking pictures of you and not me?" and the Paps said, "Don't forget PARIS HILTON, your Aunt Kim was here first!" and Kim was all, "that's right, niece PARIS HILTON, I was here first!" (snaps fingers in the air in the shape of a Z)(What a sad, pitiful little life she leads.)

 Later, at Kim's house, she's getting ready to move into a haunted house house that's way too big and expensive for her (it's not necessary for me to make this show scarier than it already is), and her sister Kyle comes over to help her move and they suddenly start screaming at each other about how the other is really ungrateful, and color me confused with the problems of rich people.

So there you go. If that isn't as scary as your regular, everyday SCREAM or Nightmare on Elm Street, I don't know what is.

Can anyone who is familiar with the culture and society of Beverly Hills and/or Orange County explain to me how these two shows are different? Doesn't Real Housewives of Atlanta basically trump both of them? How appropriate is this show for Halloween, anyway?

Getting my word on! Play along!

Pouring out a 40 for some fallen celeb couples

OMG you guys.

Courtney Cox and David Arquette are divorcing.

You know, for some wild reason I thought these two might make it. But there are some celebrity couples that don't shock you when they divorce. I mean it's too bad and a shame, but you hear about them in tabloids for months before and then they announce it and you're all, SNOOZE, like I didn't see that one coming.

But this one was a shocker. They bamboozled me.

E! wrote about the "anatomy of a breakup" to try to help us mourning fans determine what happened. Unfortunately, things are pretty hazy from the birth of their daughter in 2004 till June 2010, but after that it's clear that David wasn't ready to settle down and be a family man, even after 11 years of marriage.

But the saddest thing is that, according to the article, they told their daughter during a family picnic.

A FAMILY PICNIC.

Let's set the scene here for one moment. It's a lovely fall day. You're chilling with Mom and Dad, two at least one working, crazy busy parent, so yeah.....a nice picnic with them is kind of nice. You're getting ready to dig into your turkey sandwich, extra cheese, white bread and mustard when suddenly your Dad, who has as recently as 20 minutes before this picnic drank a 40 of malt liquor and is currently at least 2.5 sheets to the wind, says, "Guess what, sweetie, because I can't stop reliving my fraternity boy days, your Mom and I are going to be splitting up."

And then let's fast forward 12 years in the future and their daughter is dating some handsome young feller and he's laying it on THICK, guys, I'm talking roses and boom boxes over his head and hand written cards and songs penned specifically for her and played on his guitar using the 2 chords he actually knows. And he picks  her up for an afternoon date and she's all, "so, where are we going?" and he's all "it's a surprise." So then you show up at a lovely, quiet park and in the distance she spies a picnic basket and basic checkered tablecloth spread lovingly on the ground.

Panic and the smell of Olde English 800 suddenly sweep over you.

And that's how picnics were ruined for poor little CoCo Arquette forever.

Do you feel sorry for this couple? Aren't you glad you're not a celebrity couple? How awesome was Friends, anyway? What exactly has David Arquette been in?

tagging in (har har har)

My friend and old sorority sister, Miranda, tagged me in a "getting to know you" type of post! I'm still working on a doooo-hooo-sey of a post about my childbirth education classes, which, even if your not pregnant, get thyself to one of those bad boys post haste because they are hiiiiiilarious. So anyway, while I'm working on that, get to know me a little better with these questions Miranda came up with!

1.  What is your daily routine like? What time to you get up, go to bed, dinner routine, etc.

  

I am definitely a creature of habit. My routine goes a little something like this: get up at 7 to get ready for work. Get to work at 8 (takes about 20 minutes or so to get there). Work until 5. Come home and fix dinner. Clean up dinner. Take a shower. Watch whatever trash is on TV. Go to bed around 11. I bet y'all thought my life was infinitely more exciting, didn't you? Well it can't be all frosty taste tests all the time, people. 

The weekend goes a little something like this: Get up at 9, eat breakfast, watch football -- I mean "watch" as in read magazines while my husband watches. Sometimes there is a little laundry thrown in there. Saturday is bed sheet changing/washing day, so I do some of that. Lunch, then a NAP that usually lasts 2 hours or more. That's just how we roll. Then we mess around the house, eat dinner, watch more football, and I basically dont' get dressed at all for an entire day.

2.  What are things you do with your family for fun.  And for those of you with children, what fun things to you like to do with your kids?

 Clearly, I can't yet be too active with my child, but as far as Hubby and I go, we love to travel and see new places. We've been traveling together for almost 6 years and love experiencing new places together. Although I don't love sports, I do love seeing new sports stadiums and the cities they are in. He loves history, so we see lots of forts and battlefields, which even I can get into. We love cities with "charm": Savannah and Nashville are some of our favorites. We've been all over the South East, but on our list are Boston, NYC, Philadelphia, etc. We always wanted to go to Memphis, so that's on our list. And of course, we still have to explore the West. Our dream trip is to start in Washington or Oregon (we have a friend there) and just drive down the coast. I would love to see L.A. Also on our agenda: London, Italy, Germany, Greece. So either we'll be putting it off for a few years or our son will be a world traveler early.

3.  What are your FAVORITE holiday traditions?

I really and truly love the holidays. Thanksgiving, you've got the the parade, the turkey, stuffing, rolls, GRAVY, green bean casserole (the only way I'll eat green beans), pumpkin pie, and carb comas. And maybe this year birthin' a baby. And then Christmas: I love the lights, the decorations, the smell of cinnamon, cookies, fudge and of course the birth of my Lord and Savior. My family always made Christmas season so special. We put up the tree usually the first Friday after Thanksgiving. We'd order pizza and unwrap every ornament individually, usually talking about the memories attached to it. Although my sister will tell you I rarely put AN ornament up, which is sort of true. 

My favorite tradition is probably opening up gifts after Christmas Eve service. When I was a little girl, we used to go to the midnight service then come home and open our gifts from the family (so our "santa gifts" were main attraction on Christmas day). Yes, that meant finishing the unwrapping at 2 am. Christmas morning always included cinnamon rolls and watching Christmas specials all morning. Now that our baby will be here, Christmas will be a little different, but 

4.  What do you do when you want to relax and have some "me time" ?

I'll do one of two things: read blogs or watch TV. If Hubby isn't around, I will add eating Chipotle or some other place he doesn't like and painting my toes to that list. If it's summer (and especially if I'm near a pool), I love laying in the sun and reading a book or magazine. There's nothing more relaxing than that to me.

5.  What is one of your favorite books you've read so far?

Ohh, this one is tough because I can't remember the last time I read a good book. I used to read every second of the day before my Hubby came along, but he's sort of hyperactive. I really enjoyed all the Harry Potter books, and I'm always drawn to "chick lit" -- beach books. 

6.  What is your biggest guilty pleasure?

Obviously, I adore reality TV:

• Dancing with the Stars 
• Intervention, Project Runway, Austin & Santino, Jersey Shore
• Toddlers & Tiaras
• The Bachelor and Bachelorette
• Random celebrity gossip as seen on E! TV, including but not limited to E! News and E! True Hollywood story
• And my latest, Say Yes to the Dress, which kicks so much tail.
• Friends, 30 Rock or How I Met Your Mother  DVDs

Honestly, if given the opportunity and an E!THS marathon, I will watch this kind of thing for hours on end. 


So hope you guys enjoyed learning a little more about me, and now I want to learn about you!

1. Do you like sports or do you want to murder-train them? Which sports are your favorite, if you do like them?
2. Which is better, chocolate or vanilla?
3. What was your favorite vacation you've ever taken?
4. If you could go the rest of your life without hearing about ONE  celebrity or public figure, like if that person ceased to exist, which person would it be?
5. Do you enjoy TV watching, and if so, what's your all time favorite show?
6. What's your favorite kind of music?

And I'm tagging: 


Sarah @ Princess & the Blog
Brooke @ Building a Kingston Castle
Jayme @ Random Blogette
Cher @ The Only Girl
Jamie @ Daydream Believer
Cathy @ Antsy Pants
KLZ @ Taming Insanity

Please don't feel obligated to post, and also if I haven't tagged you and you want to do this, please do! I know some of us in the blog-o-sphere have been feeling the bloggy blues lately and this might just be the thing to perk y'all up!


OH, and if you haven't noticed (especially if you're reading this in Reader), clicky on the old blog and look to the left and gaze upon my button. 

My blog button, you pervs. 

It was created by Miranda via her new blog business, Little Sailor Designs! She does blogger blog designs and is just great to work with. Check her out.

My short list of celebs I'd like to never hear about again

If you're around me for about 5 minutes, you realize how much I love celebrities and celebrity gossip. When some new gossip pops on the scene, I eat up like the chocolate Hersey kisses in the receptionist's candy dish. I literally can't get enough. And the best is when lots of drama happens at one time. Remember a few years ago when Britney Spears went freaking nuts and shaved her head, hit a paparazzi with an umbrella, locked herself and her child in the bathroom, and then was finally taken to a psych ward on a stretcher, all the the span of about two weeks?  That was like the Superbowl, World Series and Final Four all rolled into one. I was in celebrity gossip heaven, y'all.

However, there are some celebrities that I'm just over in a real way. Usually it's because their gossip is just tragic and unappealing and unnecessary and clog up my Facebook news feed with US Weekly's incessant postings of their ridiculousness. Let me put it this way: there are certain celebs that have things happen to them and I'm all, "oh, well she had a terrible childhood" or "he's in the throws of addiction". But these particular celebs? To use my favorite phrase ever, they are just hot messes all around.

Here's my Short, Non-Inclusive List of Celebs I'd Like To Never Hear About Again

Lindsey Lohan

Really, why is this girl still around? Who keeps inviting her to awards shows and parties? She hasn't had legitimate hit since Freaky Friday in 2003 and can you consider that a hit? Or was Herbie Fully Loaded in 2005 a hit, either? I guess there was Mean Girls in 2004 that did alright, but that's only because Tina Fey wrote the screen play. If I'm being really kind by considering the Herbie movie was a success, then that's a full 5 years since her last work that didn't a) go straight to video b) last less than 2 weeks on the big screen or c) air on television.

This girl is so delusional, the hottest of hot messes, and surrounded by what seems an entire planet of enablers. I mean, it's clear to all of us that she's on something, right? And has been for probably since Herbie. And I think it was around that time she was dating the guy from That 70's Show, who dumped her and broke her heart and is probably tiny ember that caused the flames of heat currently incinerating her life.

She's known for not showing up for work, entering rehab not once, not twice, but three times and is about to go again. She's been in jail twice, arrested for cocaine possession, violated probation, been fired, had two DUIs, and has had fiery break-ups with men and women which may or may not include drinks being thrown in her face.

You'd think that after all that, at some point she'd hit bottom and would clean it up and just go on with her life without all this drama, but no. If she was some Joe Schmo hanging out with cocaine in her pants or DUIs or two under her belt, she'd be in jail for awhile. And not even fancy jail where she gets a thousand hours of visitation time and keeps her extensions in.

No, I can't feel sorry for someone who has squandered so many chances and still keeps messing up. She gets 5 hot messes on my hot-mess-o-meter:


Mel Gibson

Here is a haiku about Mel Gibson:

Cool in the Eightys,
Now a violent racist.
A hot mess for sure.

Shall we talk about his mess ups chronologically, or in order of mind-blowingness? There was the DUI, the antisemitism, the divorce from his wife of eleventy-billion years, the love child with a Russian model, the racist tirades caught on tape. TMTH. Too much to handle. Hot mess. Four of them, in fact, according to my meter:


Jessica Simpson

Oh, Jessica.  You had so much promise. I was reminded of that late last year when I heard your first hit, "I Think I'm In Love" early one cold, fall morning blaring from the speakers of a car detailing-slash-sandwich shop across the street from my office. It brought to mind simpler times, of pop music and my college days. But somewhere along the way, Jessica Simpson turned from pretty pop princess who has it all to hot tranny mess who is dating a married man.

I get it. Jessica is unlucky in love. She's unnecessarily criticized for her weight, her looks, her lack of quality work. Poor ol Jessica. However, just as I don't feel sorry for our former receptionist for spending all day, every day, taking quizzes about her favorite sex positions on Facebook and then getting canned, I don't' feel sorry for Jessica for basically doing nothing and then when she DOES work, putting out crappy products. Dukes of Hazzard, anyone? And what about Blonde Ambition...if you don't know about that little gem, don't worry. It only opened in 8 theaters and only made $6k. Really now. Where's she getting her money again? All those really great investments she made with her Mickey Mouse Club money?

And then she's gotta get all weird and clingy with her boyfriends. I read an article the other day with pictures of her with different guys and each time she completely changed her looks to fit what he wanted. Like when she went brunette  and wore maxidresses for John Mayer, or wore Cowboys jerseys for Tony Romo. It's bad when you are a singer/actress known more for being dumped than for your songs or movies.

She's your girlfriend who always goes for the wrong guy and then never calls until they break up and you're all, "oh, NOW you need me?" and feel sorry for her a little bit, but mostly mad that she keeps choosing the wrong guys and dissing you. That's Jessica Simpson. And for that, she gets 2.5 hot messes on my hot-mess-o-meter.



Cast of Jersey Shore

I'll freely admit that I watched Jersey Shore last season, although it was mostly because it was like a car crash and I couldn't avert my eyes. I regularly spent that hour texting my friends saying, "Are these people for real?" and "Do people really do that?" Honestly, I wonder what we did wrong, as a society, for us to be exposed to these people and for the phrase GTL to make it into our lexicon. My friend posted a pic on Facebook once and it said GTL! And I was like, What on earth? And headed over to Urban Dictionary and there it was, in all it's trashy glory. And THAT was the moment I knew Jersey Shore was dead to me.

I just don't understand how these people became famous in the first place. They just seem like the least deserving people to be making the amount of money they make for that atrocious show. What about teachers who educate our children, or police officers keeping us safe from PEOPLE LIKE THE CAST OF JERSEY SHORE? No, they make enough to keep them securely in middle class whilst Snookie buys another Louis Vuitton bag to throw up in later.

They get 1 and a half hot messes because I'll probably still watch it:

  What celebrities do you love to hate?

This post has been a part of Word Up, Yo!, a vocabulary meme. Go play along!

The post in which it becomes clear money can't buy brains

Did y'all watch the Super Bowl? Wait, let me get more specific. Did y'all watch the Super Bowl commercials?

Remember this one?






That baby, he's so cute and clever and good with money. And what a player! Milk-a-holic, isn't that adorable, because they are babies, see, they aren't old enough to drink; and it's a derogatory statement towards that little 8-month-old Lindsey baby who is obviously a dirty boyfriend stealer. Calling her a whore would be crossing some sort of line, I think. That's why the ad agency made the choice to call her a milk-a-holic instead.

Genius!

Let's just laugh together for a moment over this super cute ad while E-Trade's ad agency reps roll around naked in piles of money.

Now, what are your thoughts right now? Are you thinking about Lindsey Lohan?


Because Lindsey Lohan thinks you are.

That's right, according to US Weekly, (because where else do you get news?) Lohan is fixin' to sue E-Trade $100 million for using her name in this commercial. The one in which two babies fight over another baby. And one baby happens to be named Lindsey.

From the article:

"Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit," Lohan's lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, said in a statement to the New York Post. "They're using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn't they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody's talking about it and saying it's Lindsay Lohan."

Really? Everybody? And by everybody, does she mean the small sphere of flunkies and paid friends with whom she spends her time?

I find the fact that the lawyer said it was a "parody of her life" more disturbing than the same name aspect. Basically, Lohan is admitting that she's an alcoholic man stealer; that the above commercial reflects her life accurately enough that it would be infringing on her image. Really? Three babies are ruining your image. Enough so that you need $1 million for retribution from, what? Lost income? From the roles you lost because E-Trade was making fun of you? Because this whole, "Lindsey Lohan is an alcoholic slut" angle hasn't already been beaten to death in the media over the past three years. I mean this lawsuit is coming from a person who has been arrested and been in rehab many times. The damage has been done, sister. Lindsey Lohan hasn't worked since 2006, but somehow has found all kinds of cash to buy drugs and booze and life the high life (PUN INTENDED). Wait -- maybe that's why she's suing.

In other news, I just purchased a domain name but I have forgotten everything I know about domains and I can't figure out how to make it go to my blog. So anybody who can help, email me. Please and thank you!

In other, other news, go over to Naked Cupcakes and tell Sarah what she smells like!

In other, other, other news, the Boob Nazi is giving away jewelry in honor of her 1000th post. One thousand posts of pure awesome. You can't beat it. And if you email her and she emails you back, your inbox will have a message from "Boob". Awesome.

In other, other, other, other news, have you heard of Lady Bloggers? It's where I found a crap ton of awesome bloggers. If you are 1) a lady (you don't even have to be *ladylike*, just have lady parts) and 2) a blogger, go over there and apply and tell them I sent you!

In other, other, other, other, other news, I have been at work early enough to park in the lot three days in a row. Threepeat! Badass!

Understanding the Black Eyed Peas: Not for the faint of heart

I'm watching the Grammys and my brother-in-law just posted this on Facebook:

 

Keep in mind, my brother-in-law teaches physics and is a super smart dude, so if he doesn't get it, how do any of the rest of us have a chance?

See, the Black Eyed Peas are just weird. Everytime I see a live performance with the Peas, I'm all, "Is this real life? Am I dreaming? Quick, somebody wake me up, it seems I felt into a deep sl....Oh, nevermind, it's just the Black Eyed Peas performing in their robot suits again."

Listen, before you Peas fans start screaming at me with your caps locks on, I really like them. Every time I hear a Peas song, I want to get up off my butt and dance. In fact, they are a favorite on my workout songs list. But as my friend Jody said, the Black Eyed Peas are definitely a studio produced group.  They sound way better on the radio or your ITunes player than, for instance, up on stage at the Grammys. And I think they know that, so instead of trying hard to sound good they just do crazy stuff, like wear freaky clothes and masks and dance like crazy people. It's like, "Look here! Now there! Now we're rapping! Woops, Fergie lost her clothes! More rapping! An explosion! Song's over!" and you don't think things like, "Hm, that sounds different than normal..."

This is a completely opposite phenomenon than Lady GaGa, who sounds amazing but wears buzz-worthy clothes so people will -- well -- buzz about her. 

A good metaphor for the Black Eyed Peas is like when you take some Nyquil and don't move a muscle for 8 hours, but your brain comes up with the strangest dreams all night, most of which you remember. When you wake up you say to your friends and loved ones, "I had the oddest dream last night. The Black Eyed Peas were performing and Fergie had a metal golf visor and Wil I Am was wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask, and then these robots came on stage and started dancing with them." But would you be able to say anything about what they said or sang? Probably not. You were too distracted by the robots. 

Try it -- next time you see a Black Eyed Peas performance, call up your best friend and explain it to them but don't tell them the group was the Peas, then ask, "Was what I just described to you something I really watched, or do you think it was a dream?"  Nine times out of ten they'll guess a dream. Is my prediction.

The point of the Peas is that there is no point. Listen to the lyrics next time you get a chance. "Them chickens jackin' my style"? "I'm on the supersonic boom, y'all hear the spaceship zoom"? Poetic, really. Beatles, eat your hearts out.

And that, my friends, is how to understand the Black Eyed Peas.

Parking, Payton and my sister (alliteration isn't my thing, OK?)

This blog  will feature three things that probably don't warrant their own blogs, but are each blogworthy in their own right. I'm terrible at transitions so bear with me.
I've talked before about our new parking garage (and in case anyone is wondering, the garage walking thing happened for aabboouuut a week before I got tired of it). Here's some background: the surface lot next to the building has only enough spaces for half the building at a time. We used to park there on an even/odd schedule (so, I would park there every even day and across the street on odd days). Since the garage opened and the even/odd restrictions were lifted, it's been a free or all on the surface lot.

The garage holds people from the hospital that's next to our building AND all of our employees (except the ones who  park in the surface lot because they get here at buttcrack-of-dawn o'clock every morning). So if you get here after the hospital early shift starts (7 a.m.) you're forced to park 4th floor or above. Now everybody knows I'm a lazy person and walking up and down 4 flights of stairs every morning isn't my cup of tea. I truly dread that freaking garage. Sometimes I'll drive through the surface lot and see what's available if I get in early enough, but there is NEVER a spot.

Except for Tuesday.

I thought I was out of luck until I drove around. Lo and behold, there was one single space left. The Heavens opened and Angels began singing, God said, "Here you go, my child, I love you so much that I've given you this parking space", and golden light shone right on the parking space. I raced around to the other side to get it.

And this is what I found:

Tell me what kind of tiny-ass car can fit in a spot like that? tell me? Does it look like I'm driving a SmartCar or a Mini or a scooter? NO. I'm driving a full size car and that great big SUV is ruining my day! It would kill that person to just pull up a little bit? Mercy!

I need to get  to get to the next topic. Hmm....

How about a picture of my cat?

Hello. My name is Sushi.

Ain't he cute? He likes to watch basketball by standing right in front of the screen.

Speaking of sports (YES! TRANSITIONS!), the Superbowl is coming up! It's called that because it's "super" that football will not be on again until August! I am really torn as to who I'm going to "vote" for. Colts or Saints? Here's a list I wrote to help me decide.

Why the Saints Should Win

• Because New Orleans suffered a terrible tragedy a few years ago and for awhile there was talk that the city wouldn't even HAVE a team, but then they rebuilt and did awesome one year and now it's a few years later and they are the poster-children for Overcoming Adversity, so cheering for the Saints is pretty much the same as cheering for America
• Reggie Bush is dating Kim Kardashian and her show is unintentionally  hilarious and awesome
• The following is my favorite commercial on ESPN:
 

And I just love it when he goes "Drew BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" For awhile I had no idea what that meant, I just liked how he said it, until Hubby explained the whole commercial to me and told me Drew BREEEEEEEEEEES plays on the Saints. So there's that. 

But then Hubby reminded me that Payton Manning plays on the Colts and that he also stars in some really amazing commercials like this one:



And this one too:



And also?



I mean, it's really a difficult decision. Which commercial is more legendary? Taking that into consideration, here is my other list:


Why the Colts Should Win

• Payton Manning is in awesome commercials with Justin Timberlake, and my love for NSYNC is true and undying even though they are broken up ALTHOUGH I'm pretty sure they never announced it; So yeah, Payton Manning is almost like a member of NSYNC. 

Sorry, that trumps Kim Kardashian any day.

So, Go Colts!

Know who else hates football and loves NSYNC?  My sister. (These transitions are on FI-YAH today!)

My sister is awesome, witty and hilarious. AND my BFF. AND I think she's doing the blogsphere a disservice by NOT having a blog to entertain the world (or, more specifically, to entertain me, which she's been doing her whole life and for which I'm forever grateful). The only problem is, she's stuck on finding a good name for her blog.

So, I need some suggestions to help her get the ball rolling. Here are some facts about her:

• she is beautiful
• she has redish/strawberry blonde hair
• she is super smart
• she is an accountant who works for a media company and gets me amazing free or discounted merch all the time
• she just got married last June
• she loves Disney
• she has a nice house
• she will probably comment on this and add more

Any ideas for her blog name?

Getting What he Deserves: Kanye West Edition

I didn't watch the MTV Video Music Awards last night, but I did follow all those Facebook status updates about Kanye West interrupting poor Taylor Swift's acceptance speech.

We can all agree that what he did was terrible and really uncalled for and very unfair to Taylor Swift (I'm a fan). But I have to say, I'm not that surprised. This isn't the first time a superstar singer or celebrity has done something stupid at an awards show. From a PR perspective, you really can't lose. Networks promote the heck out of an awards show. Then they invite all the A-list celebrities, who by the nature of their business have very strong personalities and opinions, then they add lots of booze from (most likely) an open bar. And then they think that it will go smoothly. Wha?

Kanye West is a spoiled little brat. Worse than a spoiled little brat -- he's a drunk spoiled brat. At least when a toddler doesn't get his way and throws a temper tantrum, he hasn't sipping on champagne for hours. Or trying to promote a record. Unless that is the case, then your toddler probably needs some help.

So Kanye saw this as his golden opportunity to get a couple extra minutes in the spotlight. And he GOT WHAT HE WANTED. I have no idea who won anything except 1) Taylor Swift (who was interrupted) and 2) Beyonce (who allowed Taylor to give her speech). And I know that Kanye pitched a fit. The only things I have read in the news this morning about the VMAs revolve around one jerk who likes to make waves.

I read a status last night that said "Kanye, what a jerk. What is wrong with people?" Clearly the answer is, people do things because they only think about themselves, and this is not just celebrities, it's pretty much anybody. But specifically with celebrities, we as consumers allow this to happen and to continue to happen with no reparations. This is all the buzz today, tomorrow, maybe for the rest of the week. By next week, someone else will do something equally as rude and obnoxious and we'll forget all about Kanye. Two months from now he'll put out a new album or song or video, and a music critic will say "Wellll.......yeah, I know that we shouldn't like him because of what he did, but.......I'm digging his new song/album/video." And everyone will forget about it until the next time it happens.


And life goes on. This is how it is now and how it always will be. Unless we all just try to give him what he deserves, which is to stop talking about it. Just like a toddler screaming for attention.