It's that time again

Once again, we've reached the only time of the year I give a damn about sports -- March Madness! Really, if you want me to care about something, make me arbitrarily choose between two things that are exactly the same and watch the magic happen.

Oh, those two teams were both 12-8 in the regular season? Can you give me some information that I can use, such as what are their team colors and who do they have for a mascot? (And for those of you who have asked, namely Ally, that link will take you to a mascot bracket and team color bracket. You're welcome.) Last year my sister wrote about her own mascot brackets and I wrote about how to fake knowing about basketball enough to beat your friends, coworkers or spouse in tournament picks. I've been doing it for 6 years now, so I'm sort of an expert.

The other way to make me care about sports is to add a little drama to it, like a coaching scandal, someone getting arrested or dating a Kardashian. When hub watches NBA games, I refer to players not by their names but as "the guy who cheated on his wife", "gun guy" or "Klohe's husband". But that's another blog for another day.


Anyway. BASKETBALL. Remember what I showed you guys last year?

This is my husband's idea of a good time -- every TV in our home hooked up in one room so he can watch every first and second round game concurrently. It's like a sports bar, plus a couch, minus the booze (that's math). I'm not sure it'll happen this year because our living room now includes 100% more baby products than last season, but he's surprised me before.

And OH YEAH, this year we have a baby! One who can reach out and swat at things and you know what that means? He's getting his own bracket! I'm planning a highly scientific method for him in which I'll assign a team to each of two plush octopi (which I believe is the plural form of octopus and if it's not -- my blog, my rules so suck it, word  nerds) and the one he sticks into his mouth first wins that match up.

It's Captain' Calimari:

 

versus First Mate Squidbert

in epic battle of tentacles, sounds and plastic rings. Calamari has a mirror on his underside, but Squidbert plays sounds when his middle ring is pulled, so....it should be interesting in a way that has nothing whatsoever to do with basketball.  He loves them both. I hope to include some video of this and the results tomorrow.

If you want to get in on a bloggy bracket, Cathy is hooking you up this year (again) so visit her or tweet with her @cathyantsypants. It's for cool people with blogs only WHICH INCLUDES ALL OF YOU.

Oh, lookie here! My girl Natalie is bonding with the men (and little lady) in her life over basketball!

Are you guys watching basketball, or are you more of a football fan? Or does something like American Idol fulfill your need for competition?

Tearin' up my heart

5)  A song with significance.

I have a confession to make.

Back in the day, and that day was 1998, my family and I were at Disney on a family vacation. It was my high school graduation present. During what I believe was our EPCOT day, Mom pointed out there was boy band concert that was being filmed for The Disney Channel. If you'll travel back in your memory some 13 odd years, you'll remember the late 90s being the Years of the Boyband. More spiky hair and funky harmonies than you could shake a stick at.

So, this group was NSYNC, and my sister and I turned up our noeses BIG TIME. We were all, pshaw, boybands? Are for teenyboppers. Thanks, but no thanks. Let's get a funnel cake and ride Spaceship Earth again.

Mom was like, "Not even for free?"

We were all, "Um, ten-year-old girls screaming over some lame made up group isn't' our idea of a good time, Mom."

And Sister Fate, she heard every single word of that conversation and wanted us to pay for our flippant attitude toward boy bands. The NSYNC concert aired two months later and NSYNC became the hottest boyband in the country. We were kicking ourselves for missing the concert.

 A few months later, inexplicably, we were hooked. We had a fever, and the only cure was clearly over produced songs sung by pretty boys. We still say that making the decision not to watch that free concert cursed us to have bad seats to everything for the rest of our lives.

Although at 19 years old I was almost a decade older than their target demographic, I was a sucker for anything and everything NSYNC related. We attended several concerts. We bought every CD -- even the import singles with exclusive German tracks (this was before iTunes, i.e. the stone ages). We even bought those stupid teen magazines and hung posters up on our walls. I'll never forget the winter we took off in the snow to get handi-tac from Walmart.

Why would a college aged girl become obsessed with a boyband? It was probably the fear of changes that were happening all around me. My grandmother had a stroke the next summer and then passed away the next fall. I'd started college, and it was new and weird and sometimes hard. My Dad's company transfered him to Cincinnati, where he lived 5 days out of the week. I was ending one romantic relationship and starting another one. 

Change is awkward and unsettling. Boybands are the complete opposite of that.

I'm a big fan of the 90s station on XM Radio. Everyone once and awhile, the familiar opening notes of Tearing Up My Heart will start blaring on my way home from work and I can't help by smiling about a simpler time when a group of singers brought so much joy to my life.

Dear Gretchen from Project Runway

Anybody following Project Runway this season?

I really don't like Gretchen.

Besides the fact that she's largely untalented and a little bit of a harpie, the following things need to happen with her in my personal and professional opinion and also the opinion of my sister:

- She needs to eat a hamburger (or two)
- She needs a good haircut
- She needs to lay off the meth, there are clinics for that.
- She could make do with some makeup. A spot of rouge, a sweep of mascara, a dab of gloss.
- She needs to buy some clothes at somewhere other than a thrift shop.

Then there is also the show On the Road with Austin and Santino, two contestants from old Project Runways, a show that makes me question my faith in what is real and what is a sketch comedy skit.

He looks just like a porcelain doll. A FABULOUS porcelain doll.

This show both fascinates and appalls me. My sister and I watched WAY too many episodes of this and then neither one could erase the imagine of this entirely too beautiful man from our brains. The premise is that these two guys "road trip" to small towns in the Midwest and teach some rubes how to be fabulous by making them ball gowns and cocktail dresses out of found items. Like literally, stuff they find that can be turned into various types of fabric. But I get way too distracted by Austin's alabaster skin and high, pink cheekbones. I just wish he would take a trip to Gretchen's hometown and teach her a thing or two about makeup and clothes.

We also watched Toddlers and Tiaras. It's clear that I have a love/hate relationship with this show, but it inspired me to do a "sassy pout" for my sister's camera:

Additionally, look how ginormous my belly looks.

So there's that.

What else? Oh, how could I almost forget the breathtaking spoiled-ness of the ladies of Say Yes to the Dress - Atlanta. Oh MERCY, do those women have problems only found in a first world nation. Tell me, how many of you have ever uttered the phrase "I already have two wedding dresses, but I just don't like them, so I'm here at this upscale boutique where dresses START at $1500 because Daddy wants his little girl to be happy on her special day"? I can imagine almost 100% of you have not, but 80% of the brides on this show have.

An example of "southern charm":



However, there is one extra bright spot to this show and that is Monte, the fashion director of the company. He is all kinds of awesome. He basically swoops in when a bride isn't sure that $5000 is worth it, "jacks her up" with a veil and some earrings, and guilts her into buying. It's phenomanal and I want Monte in my life always as a life coach. I want him to "jack up" my ideas and make everyone agree.

What do all these random shows have in common? They were all on the playlist of my Super Special Sister Saturday. I think Teen Mom was also on there for one hot minute, too. Random entertainment for some random girls.

Do you watch any of these shows? If you're married, how many wedding dresses did you have? Do you wish Toddlers & Tiaras would go die a fiery death?

This post has been a part of Word Up, Yo!, a vocabulary meme. Go play along!

It's Blogworthy Award: Most Ridiculous Story of the Week

Hey, y'all, welcome to..what day is it? Let me check the dry erase board outside:

Oh yeah, FREEKY FRIDAY, now with twice as many E's!

Thanks to all who voted on the most ridiculous story of the week last week. It sure was a pretty atrocious week and I was glad when it was over. This week has been decent except for the time when I got an injection straight into my buttcheek.

First order of business, the winner winner chicken dinner for the It's Blogworthy Award for Most Ridiculous Story of the week is, indubitably, the story of the Wicked Witch of Plantopia. And why wouldn't it be? She is ridiculous. We wanted to keep the peace so we wrote her a letter with three options for making it right ALTHOUGH WE DID NOTHING WRONG. Hub called a few law offices because we wanted to cover our bases in case she tried to sue us because crazy doesn't take a vacation and not ONE lawyer would even talk to us. They all said it wasn't worth their time. Lawyers said that. I didn't think lawyers turned down any chance to make money, but I guess we can all learn something from this situation.


So congrats, Wicked Witch of Plantopia, you've won!

Hope it's big enough to cover up that trimmed plant area! And P.S. you've now scared us badly enough that we're going to put up a privacy fence quick as a bunny! So thanks for that!


Enjoy your weekend, folks. I'm going to be chilling with my sister, some close friends, a sheet cake and lots of baby presents (it's shower time!) Then after that, we're going to eat lots of fattening food and spend Sunday watching Friends episodes!

Annie is almost like an action flick

So, have you been wondering where Amanda is? No, I didn't jet off to Bora Bora to date three guys because 1) I'm married 2) I'm not a fame seeking whore and 3) I work for a non-profit. That's definitely not where I've been. I know you're all missing my delightful recap, but the truth is I just didn't have it in me to watch it on my birthday because it sucks the energy right out of my body. I watched the Bachelorette online with my pal JP and I saved our conversation and will post it maybe this weekend. It's good times.

I'm here tonight to drop off some funnies from my dear Husband. The scene: I was sleepy when I got home from work after eating way too much at lunch at the Pizza Hut lunch buffet. After struggling through a pizza coma all afternoon, I needed a resty-poo. When I woke up we went to McDonalds for dinner because my baby? He loves him some Filet of Fish sandwiches. What the heck? What kind of baby did I make? At any rate, after naps I tend to suffer from a little foggy brain, probably exacerbated by all these hormones.

While we're there, the following conversation occurs regarding, hands down, my favorite movie of all time, 1982's Annie, staring Eileen Quinn and the incomparable Albert Finney as Daddy Warbucks.

Me: Davey [Sister's husband] watched Annie with Sis.
Hub: *snickers*
Me: What? He did!
Hub: Yeah...right.
Me: Why wont' you watch with me?
Hub: I don't think I'll like it.
Me: I watch stuff with you that I don't like! Besides, Davey liked it! He said he liked the car chases!
Hub: Car chases, I'm so sure.
Me: *getting angry* What if my only dream in life is for you to watch Annie with me????
Hub: Then I'd say you have a sad life, if that's your biggest dream.
Me: *sigh* [pause] But there *are* car chases.
Hub: *laughs at me*
Me: And thievery and kidnapping. And helicopters. It's veerrrry exciting!
Hub: *head in his hands*
Me: You know what it's like? It's like that movie Taken. *wiggles eyebrows expectantly*
Hub: I'm going to Tweet that you just said Annie is anything like Taken.

So he's not only funny, but he puts up with my nonsense. I think he deserves a medal.

Have you seen Annie? Isn't it the best? On a scale of  1 to 10, how close is it to being like Taken?

Jazz hands come to Florida

My good buddy Hutch over at Be Awesome Instead has been trying to start a revolution. A revolution of sass. It all started with her guest post from Chicken , who suggested we stop taking boring pictures and start jazzing the place up! So since then, I've been on a mission to bring a little jazz into my own photos.

I used to go with the thumbs up in my pictures:

This was taken during our first trip to Disney as Florida residents when we visited four parks in one day. It was our 4 peat and this quarter was my reward. So of course I gave it a thumbs up.

The thumbs up is OK. It's adequate. It represents how I am feeling and makes me feel less awkward than when I just have to stand around and look at a camera. but there was just something missing...

But then I started noticing a trend, and my own personal version of jazz hands, the "wave with your mouth open" pose. It's both tacky and unflattering!

But I have gotten a little jazz handsy over the years, as evidenced by this gem from my sister's wedding rehearsal:

Listen, I'm all kinds of sassy up in that church, y'all. I can even do jazz hands while holding my fake bouquet!  This one was sort of an inadvertant jazz hand pose -- sort of a "mouth open waving"/jazz hands hybrid. After Hutch started the revolution, I knew I had to shape up in the posing department:

This was at the All Star Sports Resort at Disney, and while these little ducks are trying to hit and catch a baseball, I'm showing off my 10 little photo pals.

I forced my husband to take some jazz hands pictures after our anniversary dinner last week, you know, for the cause:

And even Sushi the cat got into it!

He's extra good at it because he has extra thumbs. I'm sure he'll want to do that again VERY soon.

So expect more jazz hands in the coming weeks, especially after my sister and I take loads of jazz hands pictures on our cruise next month. If you write your own, let Hutch know so she can link it, and tweet about it with the hashtag #jazzhandsrevolution. Let's start something, people!

As if you need more encouragement, I present you with this graph of things that are awesome. You can't argue with graphs. It's science:

In other news, the Bachelorette started last night. Who is watching? I'm there for every white hot second of that mess. You should go read Jamie's take on it over at Daydream Believer.

As for me, my thoughts can be best summed up in list form, from a conversation I had with my friend JP today:

JP: First of all, nice weave.
Me: Second of all, if you're going to have a weave, can it please be in a color that occurs in nature? "yellow" is not a hair color.
JP: Third of all, wear a dress that fits. 
JP: fourth of all get your shoulders out of your ears.
Me: Fifth of all, shut the heck up with your stupid laugh.

 So there you go, my thoughts on the first 15 minutes of the Bachelorette. I'm going to see if Jamie wants to join forces for some Bachelorette snark on Mondays.

Happy Tuesday! *JAZZ HANDS*

We're not as crazy and unstable as we seem *update*

Usually around 2 to 3 pm I start getting the afternoon blues here in the old cubicle. Usually it's just a case of the sleepies, but lately its' been exacerbated by the snug fit of my work pants. There are days where I really can't think of anything more than crawling under my desk for a nap. Just a short one.

So yesterday I texted my sister and the following conversation occurred. I'm transcribing these texts just like I got them :

Me: I look and feel yucky.
Sis: I'm sure you look pretty.
Me: I don't. Fat and ugly face!!!!!!!!!!!! Boooooo
Sis: Noooooooooottttttttttt!!!
Sis: I'm eating a cookie for your plus one.
Me: Oh yummy, what kind?
Sis: Smiley face cookie from Servattis!!

About this time she sent this picture:



My sister will do pretty much anything, include making the nastiest face ever, to make me laugh. The subject of this message said, "BTW, THIS is fat and ugly".

Me: Whatever. You are SO not fat! Or ugly! At least your pants are zipped.
Sis: ......OR ARE THEY?
Me: Hahaha it would be so awesome if they were! (they were, but only because the top clasp was broken. So technically, they were just not broken).

Right about this time, I sent her a picture of me:





Sis: (in response to this picture) You must have sent the wrong pic. you sent a beautiful picture of yourself.

So I sent this one:



She must have gotten the picture and I basically won the "I'm uglier" contest because she never did write back!

This is so what we do all the time, though. We spend a lot of time together saying things like, "You're so pretty." "No, you're prettier." or "I have the best sister." "No, you have the second best sister because I have the best sister." It's truly ridiculous on many levels. And believe it or not, we both found guys who would marry us.

Oh, so question for you guys. Let's say someone was interviewing for a job. What are your thoughts on kitschy leave behinds, like notepads with the candidates names on them, or personalized pencils? Tacky or brilliant?

*Update*  This "leave behind" is not my idea because I am not interested in looking for  a new job at all. But there are people who do come through here whether it be interns or applicants or whatnot, and they bring a variety of interesting leave behinds, so I guess I'm more curious as to what you guys think of people coming in to interview at your place of employment and who later leave things. That is all.

Country roads are taking me somewhere, but not really home

Have you missed me posting all over your blogs the past few days? Hubby and I have been in West Virginia, the place of our births the place of my birth because Hubby will never let you forget that he was born in Kentucky even though he was raised for most of his life in WV and..AND...eastern Kentucky pretty much is the same as WV, how is that even better? Anyway. That's where we were. And boy, oh boy did I get behind on my blogging.

It was great for one reason only -- sister time. Sister time is my favorite time ever. It's filled with just pure awesomeness topped with icing from the most delicious cake place called Servatiis.

This is what I imagine Sister time looks like:

 We totally demolished that cake.

We had the best time just sitting around and talking and eating and then a not so great time watching UK lose to my mortal enemies, WVU. Then we reverted back to best times by making her cats dance.

Before the trip to sister's house, Hubby and I visited my Mom and Dad, who are getting ready to sell our childhood home. Mom finds all sorts of treasures, and by treasures I mean things that she doesn't have the heart to throw away, so she gives them to us to "do with them what we will."

One of these treasures was a big, plastic Big Boy bank. Do y'all have Shoneys? Well long ago and far away, Shoney's used to be Shoney's Big Boy. I guess there are still Big Boy restaurants around, but here is the logo:

via

So I'm laughing thinking, where on God's green earth did this come from? Mom proceeds to tell me how when my sister and I were little, she wanted this Big Boy bank more than anything and Mom wouldn't buy it for her. Big sister stepped in and bought it for her as a gift. Now I know, you're wondering, how did a young child get money to buy something like this? And to that I don't' have an answer and neither did Mom. It's so appropriate, though, because my Sister has always been awesome with money and is now an accountant, so I like to think I was building her dreams even at a very young age. I'm selfless and amazing like that. You're welcome, Sissy.

I decided it would be super funny to take the Big Boy to her for it to live in it's rightful home. Hub and I brought it in and wrapped it in paper we found in Sarah's dining room, then handed it to her. She was all, "Oh! A present!" and then laughed her face off when she saw it:

Please note the Snuggie she has on. And look how the Big Boy is staring longingly at her. Her husband better watch his back, is all I'm saying.

And also during this trip, our husbands went shopping together which we both agree will NEVER happen again. Go to her blog to read about that story and to see some male modeling.

Oh! And we are both known for saying some random things because that's just how our brain spits them out. Sarah was showing me her scrapbook calendar and one page has a pic of our two cats who passed away and Sarah's new kitties. Sarah said, "These are my two dead cats and these are my two alive cats" and also "He [one of the new cats] has a skunk eye in this one because he has the herp." And those are both reasons why she's the best.

Then on the way back, Hubby and I were simultaneously bored out of our skulls and terrified for our lives. If you don't know that feeling, drive I75 through Tennessee.

We're really into huge mugs lately, like the ones that hold 72 oz of water or whatever, because we both need to drink a ton more water than we already do. So I borrowed one from Sarah and then he randomly found one at a gas station. He found another use for it when we stopped at Arby's:

I am unbelievably proud.

Get your mascot head on, it's time to play ball!

Is your bracket ready? Did you decide based on team color? Or the the fact that you want to go to California on vacation? Or you saw the player on that one team on TV and his hair looks nicer than yours will ever look, so you choose the other team to win?

Now that you've made those decisions, time to make some more...get ready people, it's the mascot bracket!

College sports have the most amazing mascots ever. I get so excited when I go to games and get to take pictures with or close to mascots. Sort of like Salt on her honeymoon.

I do my mascot bracket as if one mascot was  fighting the other. And I'm very literal about it, too. Like the Richmond Spiders? Will totally get smashed by the St. Mary's Gaels (and I don't even know what a Gael is). Birds that "look tough" will beat birds who do not and insects. Small cats will beat birds, insects and some people. Big cats will beat small cats, all people and bears, but not grizzlies (because in my mind, grizzlies are much bigger and scarier than regular everyday bears). People will beat small animals like dogs, all birds and insects.

I presume people are unarmed, that's because I want all cats (small and large) to advance. People mascots are lame. But I also presume that some people mascots are stronger than others. An unarmed UTEP Miner is going to be stronger than an unarmed Vanderbilt Commodore because I think of commodores as sort of uppity and they totally hide behind their big canons, so unarmed a miner who works all day in a dark, dingy mine swinging a pickax or whatever miners use, has big muscles and therefore could beat a commodore. Feel me? This is why, if you're a mascot, you should pick an occupation that will give you big muscles.

This is the fuzzy logic I use to construct my mascot picks.

My final four are the Houston Cougars, Oakland Golden Grizzlies, Montana Grizzlies and Old Dominion Sassy Pawed Lions (it's something else but that's my name for it because he has an awesome sassy paw and crown).

The Final Four matchups were a toughy for me because I really didn't want to decide between two grizzlies.

I wrote it in and Hubby said, "Do you want it because you want it to win, or because you think it would really win?"  And I was all, "In my heart I know the grizzly would win." So he said, "What if the bear was walking backward and the lion jumped on his back?" And I said, "If I made that happen this round, I'm just going to have the same decision to make when the Sassy Pawed Lion plays a grizz in the next round. I'm just going to go with the grizz."

Golden Grizz wins because it's golden.

My sister, the wonderful Sarah from Princess and the Blog, has a different way of doing things. Here she is in her own words!

My bracket is based on a structured hierarchy:

• Birds beat humans
• All other animals beat birds
• Cats beat all other animals

If two teams play each other and have the same mascot, I will go by what the actual mascot looks like, the school color or school name.  Anything that is not a human, bird, or animal gets placed depending on my mood. A bad mood will result in “A tree? That is a terrible mascot. It loses.” A good mood will result in “Look at that tree’s googly eyes! How cute! Win!” Typically these type of mascots only beat humans and birds.  I always will place rare mascots (turtles, beavers, ducks) above run-of-the-mill mascots (bulldogs, wolves, bears).

I thought the MidWest division was the most difficult this year. There was a whole section of non-animals, so I ended up picking a "worthless nut" that is a cute mascot compared to the other 3 mascots it was playing against; I had to choose between two different hawks; and there was a major upset where the extremely cute Testudo, the diamondback terrapin from Maryland beat Shasta the cougar from Houston.

Actual bracket. See how upset I was about some of these match-ups? A Spartan vs. a guy with a mustache.  Bird vs. bird. Cowboys vs. Yellowjackets vs. Gauchos vs. Buckeyes.

I can pretty much copy over my bracket year-to-year because I use the same hierarchy every year.  Apparently it was quite humorous to certain people that actual know a thing about basketball (like my husband) thought it was funny that I had 3 of the 4 #1 teams being beat by #16 teams. IT TOTALLY COULD HAPPEN…At least in Sarahland. This year, like any good year, I end up with all cat-related mascots in the final four. What can I say? I’m a crazy cat lady.  

My three runners up this year are:

• The Clemson Tigers.  Clemson almost didn't make it out of the first round because they faced the Missouri tigers...that is, until I saw they have a tiger AND tiger cub mascot. It is like 2 cats for the price of one! Win and Win.
• Rufus the Ohio University Bobcat. I like him because his name is Rufus, he is from Ohio (which is where I work!) and I think bobcats are really cute in real life.

• Cosmo the Cougar from BYU. This division had some really tough cat-competition (the Pitt Panthers and the Vermont Catamounts were runners up).  Cosmo gets the edge because I really like his name. Plus the Pitt Panther is kind of creepy looking and I couldn’t find any good pictures or information on the Vermont Catamounts.

My pick for winning it all? 2 words:

OLD DOMINION

Now, I have no affiliation with Old Dominion. I didn’t go there, my family didn’t go there. Yet every year that they are in the tournament, I choose them to win. I just know that one of these days, they will be the Cinderella story and I will win me some big bucks!! It is totally plausible that an 11 seed could win it all, right?? However, the real reason I like them is this:

LOOK AT HIM! HE is a CAT, with a CROWN and a SASSY PAW. He is the king of all cat-related mascots and in my book, that wins, hands down.

Who won your mascot bracket?

How to make March Madness predictions without knowing a thing about basketball: A primer

Yesterday marked the first day of my (one and only) most favoritist sports season of the year: Selection Sunday for the NCAA Tournament.

I didn't have any brothers or male cousins my age. Dad just sat around watching football by himself while Mom, Sarah and I would make up ridiculously complex family stories with our Barbies or set up a My Little Pony castle or sometimes let the sun touch our precious skin whilst drawing stuff on the sidewalk with chalk (we didn't get out much). Sports weren't in our vocabulary.

Fast forward 13 or so years when I was dating my college ex who was obsessed -- LITERALLY OBSESSED -- with bowling. Guys, he had, like, 11 balls. I'm not even exaggerating about that. And he had a robo-brace to keep his arm in place when he bowled, a little powder bean bag to keep his hands dry and a bag for all those balls (I said balls twice!!!!) Also? On the college bowling team. And we dated for three years, by the way. (Fail.)

Anyway, as nobody really considers that a real sport and I didn't learn much about sports from him, let's fast forward another five years to my third month dating my husband. We were in the thick of March Madness and I'd seen some extra-excitable  behavior, but nothing compared to when Kentucky lost to Michigan State in the Final Four and he sulked into another room and came out in Cincinnati Reds gear. Basketball season, he said, was OVER.

I've got a bunch of dooseys from our game watching together (how about the time he accidentally busted a bag of tortilla chips while stomping around during a game? That was awesome.) I love him and like to support him and it's only fair considering how many hours he spends watching trash like the Bachelor and American Idol with me.

In the past 6 years, I've realized I am much more invested in sports if there is:

1. a good story associated with it (a player who donated a kidney to a sick kid, for instance)
2. drama involved (coaching or recruitment scandals) or 
3. a super-hyped match-up.

The above reasons are why I love the NCAA Tournament. AND I love making my predictions, which has been a tradition with Hubby and I. I usually beat him because the less you know, amazingly, the better you fare. Actually the only time I didn't beat him was the year I decided to get all fancy and do a little "research". He's shared a few little tips that have helped me tremendously with my predictions, and bloggy friends, I'm passing them on to you (and a few of these are my own recipes for success):

• At least one 13 will beat a 4.
• At least one 12 will beat a 5.
• At least one 10 will beat a 7.
• At least one 11 will beat a 6.
• For closer match-ups, look at the overall regular season record.
• Also, consider how close they are playing to their home court.
• If neither of these make it any clearer, choose based on some arbitrary thing: Which of the two teams is wearing your preferred color? Are they from a location you've visited before? Or want to visit? Do you remember one of their players from a news story you read? Do you like the way their name sounds (I will always choose Gonzaga)?
• If you are playing with a significant other or male friend, make sure you make their team lose the second round unless they are really good. It won't help you win but it's super fun to watch the color drain out of their face when you announce your prediction.
• Don't make really dramatic upset predictions because usually it's a crap shoot and then it will screw up your whole bracket.

There you have it; an almost fool-proof way to probably beat everybody else in their bracket. If I missed anything or you want to share your secrets (it's just between us and also the entire internet!), leave 'em in the comments! Go print off your own bracket and pretend like you care about basketball for a couple of weeks.

Tune in tomorrow when I'll explain how I make prediction based on mascots, with my first guest blogger!


*Image via

Snuggies: No longer just humiliating for humans

A few weeks ago, Jamie Tweeted that she wanted to get a small dog just so she could dress it in a dog Snuggie.

Now, dogs are a big responsibility. Like on the scale of most responsibility to least, it goes like this:

Most

• Children
• Dogs
• Husbands
• Plants
• Cats
• Fish

Least

Jamie, you don't have to buy a small dog and dress it in a dog Snuggie because I did it for you. You're welcome. All of you are welcome. She seemed pretty pumped about my rad dog and dog Snuggie and wanted me to blog about it, or at least that's how I took her excitement.

I am admitting here and now for all the blogiverse to see that we are proud owners of a University of Kentucky Snuggie. I was not sold on the idea of Snuggies. Then my hubby decided he needed that UK Snuggie more than anything in the whole world and would pretty much cease to exist right then and there if he didn't order it (this is pretty common at my house). So then we had a Snuggie. And like Lays potato chips, you can't have just one.

We decided to get a Snuggie for my Mom, sister and our dog, Truffles. If we were going to be humiliated with a thin, backward robe, then we'd all be humiliated together. Get enough shame in one room and it just cancels out.

So enjoy these pictures of my dog wallowing in complete, total abject mortification.

"My shame is unbearable. Please tell me I'm adopted." (You are.)

Sister with Truffles, sporting their Snuggies.

 Which one of these two living things willingly put on a Snuggie? I'll give you a hint: It isn't the one who eats cat litter and chases squirrels. Truffles is all, "If I look super cute at the camera, they will totally take this thing off me." Nice try, Truff. 

Snuggie party! Only cool people invited. And dogs.

This was taken right after we opened up Christmas presents and Mom and Sissy got their own Snuggies. So of course we had to take pictures in our Snuggies because we're awesome like that. Like how we're all pointing to the dog? Truffles is obviously just trying her best to get through this terrible time in her life but we're calling attention to her with all the pointing. 

When we'd put that thing on her she would get SO hot. Like the dog Snuggie really did what it was intended to do and then some. She'd usually just sit wherever she was when we Velcroed it on and would lay exactly like she is laying in the picture above and just pant up on a freaking storm. It's not funny except that it totally is funny.

And I think it's pretty clear that as soon as I have children, they are getting dressed in ridiculous outfits, pretty much from day one.

There you go, Jamie, hope it's everything you dreamed it would be (go check out her site: Daydream Believer; she blogs about spam mail and shaving. LOVE it.)

Parking, Payton and my sister (alliteration isn't my thing, OK?)

This blog  will feature three things that probably don't warrant their own blogs, but are each blogworthy in their own right. I'm terrible at transitions so bear with me.
I've talked before about our new parking garage (and in case anyone is wondering, the garage walking thing happened for aabboouuut a week before I got tired of it). Here's some background: the surface lot next to the building has only enough spaces for half the building at a time. We used to park there on an even/odd schedule (so, I would park there every even day and across the street on odd days). Since the garage opened and the even/odd restrictions were lifted, it's been a free or all on the surface lot.

The garage holds people from the hospital that's next to our building AND all of our employees (except the ones who  park in the surface lot because they get here at buttcrack-of-dawn o'clock every morning). So if you get here after the hospital early shift starts (7 a.m.) you're forced to park 4th floor or above. Now everybody knows I'm a lazy person and walking up and down 4 flights of stairs every morning isn't my cup of tea. I truly dread that freaking garage. Sometimes I'll drive through the surface lot and see what's available if I get in early enough, but there is NEVER a spot.

Except for Tuesday.

I thought I was out of luck until I drove around. Lo and behold, there was one single space left. The Heavens opened and Angels began singing, God said, "Here you go, my child, I love you so much that I've given you this parking space", and golden light shone right on the parking space. I raced around to the other side to get it.

And this is what I found:

Tell me what kind of tiny-ass car can fit in a spot like that? tell me? Does it look like I'm driving a SmartCar or a Mini or a scooter? NO. I'm driving a full size car and that great big SUV is ruining my day! It would kill that person to just pull up a little bit? Mercy!

I need to get  to get to the next topic. Hmm....

How about a picture of my cat?

Hello. My name is Sushi.

Ain't he cute? He likes to watch basketball by standing right in front of the screen.

Speaking of sports (YES! TRANSITIONS!), the Superbowl is coming up! It's called that because it's "super" that football will not be on again until August! I am really torn as to who I'm going to "vote" for. Colts or Saints? Here's a list I wrote to help me decide.

Why the Saints Should Win

• Because New Orleans suffered a terrible tragedy a few years ago and for awhile there was talk that the city wouldn't even HAVE a team, but then they rebuilt and did awesome one year and now it's a few years later and they are the poster-children for Overcoming Adversity, so cheering for the Saints is pretty much the same as cheering for America
• Reggie Bush is dating Kim Kardashian and her show is unintentionally  hilarious and awesome
• The following is my favorite commercial on ESPN:
 

And I just love it when he goes "Drew BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" For awhile I had no idea what that meant, I just liked how he said it, until Hubby explained the whole commercial to me and told me Drew BREEEEEEEEEEES plays on the Saints. So there's that. 

But then Hubby reminded me that Payton Manning plays on the Colts and that he also stars in some really amazing commercials like this one:



And this one too:



And also?



I mean, it's really a difficult decision. Which commercial is more legendary? Taking that into consideration, here is my other list:


Why the Colts Should Win

• Payton Manning is in awesome commercials with Justin Timberlake, and my love for NSYNC is true and undying even though they are broken up ALTHOUGH I'm pretty sure they never announced it; So yeah, Payton Manning is almost like a member of NSYNC. 

Sorry, that trumps Kim Kardashian any day.

So, Go Colts!

Know who else hates football and loves NSYNC?  My sister. (These transitions are on FI-YAH today!)

My sister is awesome, witty and hilarious. AND my BFF. AND I think she's doing the blogsphere a disservice by NOT having a blog to entertain the world (or, more specifically, to entertain me, which she's been doing her whole life and for which I'm forever grateful). The only problem is, she's stuck on finding a good name for her blog.

So, I need some suggestions to help her get the ball rolling. Here are some facts about her:

• she is beautiful
• she has redish/strawberry blonde hair
• she is super smart
• she is an accountant who works for a media company and gets me amazing free or discounted merch all the time
• she just got married last June
• she loves Disney
• she has a nice house
• she will probably comment on this and add more

Any ideas for her blog name?

What would YOU call 30 pianos on one stage?

I took piano lessons for about 7 years in middle school and high school. I don't want to say I hated it, because I truly didn't. It was fun learning how to play, especially at Christmas or to be a showoff or whatever. My piano teacher was nice. She was the organist at our church and was very intelligent, musically. My sister and I had back-to-back lessons at her house after school once a week. Mom drove us until I was 16, and once I started driving, were always late. We would say things like, "oh, traffic was really tied up, I'm surprised we actually got here at all!" which would be a decent excuse if we didn't live, like, 4 blocks away.

I never practiced. Ever. Ohh, how I hated practicing. I would get to my lesson and not be able to play without screwing up the notes and then say, "Hm, this is SO weird, I just practiced this before I left and played it perfectly! Are you sure there isn't something wrong with your piano? The keyboard feels weird. New bench? The light is so dim in here. Or too bright. And did you turn the heat on? I think the change in atmosphere just  threw me off. Why don't you get this all straightened out and we'll try again next week, ok?"

Every year, the music department or music teachers group or whoever it was, organized this big recital. All the piano teachers in the city gave their students two or three songs to learn. Most of them were duets; in total, there were maybe 15 songs. Then we would meet in an auditorium where they set up 30 grand pianos on the stage, and we all got up there and played the songs we learned in unison, there was a conductor and everything. What I'm talking about here is 60 kids playing the same song on 30 different pianos AT THE SAME TIME.Did I just blow your mind? It gets better.

The name of this magical musical extravaganza? PIANO-RAMA, Y'ALL.

I just told that story at work and they were all, really? Where was this? and I said, Huntington, WV, of course, the most awesome place in the world for unison piano playing, DUH.

What is the point of 30 pianos at once? Answer: to use the phrase Piano-Rama.

P.S. I just searched for Piano-rama on Google Images and this is what came up:

What?

If this doesn't give you the creeps, I don't know what will.

On babies and their super fat cheeks

So, OK. Babies. I have none. I have no plans to have one anytime soon. I really don't even know how to react around babies, like when they just stare at me like they want me to have a conversation, yet they know absolutely no words, so it would be a waste of time.

But I'll tell you what -- I sure do like looking at babies, especially fat ones.

When I see a fat baby I just want to do one of three things: sniff his or her head; make him or her dance; or eat his or her fat baby cheeks.

I made this comment about a baby at Sonny's BBQ tonight and the following Twitter conversation ensued:

Hubby: Amanda just saw a baby in Sonnys with big fat cheeks and said he is so cute that i just want to eat him. He looks so delectable.


AmandaAustin: @Hubby is smearing my good name. I mean it was a BABY with FAT CHEEKS. What other option do i have but to want to nibble on it?


Hubby: @amandaaustin One word: CANNIBAL


SarahJordan @amandaaustin @Hubby i have agree that fat baby cheeks need to be eaten up with a spoon

Baby cheeks: Awesome and edible or not?
 

Disney and Sistertime = an awesome Sunday

Today Hubby and I met my sister and her hubby at Disney. They are down there for a winter getaway at Disney and then will come up to Gainesville to spend the weekend with us. We met them today at the Magic Kingdom. Our first stop was Lunch at Tony's Restaurant to celebrate her hubby's birthday (the actual day is Dec. 27, so we were celebrating early). Then it was just a really fun day of hanging out, experiencing Disney attractions and being sisterly. That's my beautiful Sis in the picture to the right being all pretty and also wearing her Christmas shirt that is short sleeved and thus rendered useless in the frozen tundra of Northern Kentucky.

I found out Sister reads my blog all the time, so I'm going to start tagging her in all the posts where she's mentioned and see how many times I can mention her in a year.

Sister and I have been BFF literally since the day she was born. We are two years apart (I'm older) and I always tell people that we were each others first best friend. I also like to tell people that we've only had one fight in the history of our 27 years together. That's pretty good, I think.

Anyway, Sis and I pretty much carried on like we tend to do for the whole day. I don't know how I can explain it, but let me try: Our conversations are like a million random words strung together that somehow only make sense to us, spoken in a singsongy voice that is punctuating by either occasional silence because we're eating or talking to someone else, or one saying "You're pretty!" to the other. Our brains work the same way so we can segue flawlessly between topics that have no relation without any explanation of how we skipped from, say, a story about work to what we are having for dinner to explaining about the time we saw a cat dressed up like Santa and it was the funniest and cutest thing WE'VE EVER SEEN IN OUR LIVES.

I feel sorry for our husbands because they have to figure it all out. Thankfully, they like each other and can always just commiserate about how we dont' make much sense.

So we had the best time at Disney, which is AMAZING during Christmas. I hate to sound cheesy, but there is something really magical about it. I don't know if it's just really good memories from family trips there during this time of year or the fact that they have a crap ton of lights everywhere, but I just love it. Unfortunately, we're only going to get one trip down during the holidays. We weren't able to catch the Osborne Family Lights show at Disney Hollywood Studios. If you're ever in Orlando this time of year, it's worth going! They have, like, 14 million lights covering the backlot of Hollywood Studios, and the lights "dance" along to the music. I'm easily distracted by bright, flashing things.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend!  Did anybody do anything festive this weekend?

RIP Geocities

You guys, Geocities is closing today. Big time sad face from me. Geocities and I go way back.

As many others, I'm sure, Geocities was the first experience with online publishing. Actually, my experience with web design started at Marshall during a dual crediWeb design had very little to do with it (I think it was how to develop lesson plans online -- at that point I wanted nothing more in the world than to be a teacher, ick). The professor was a geeky old math guy who dabbled in web design and taught us the basics of emailing, finding information on the internet and HTML.

Something clicked with me after I coded the first paragraph and embedded my first picture on that totally basic Web site. It was like HTML made it all make sense. It was a puzzle, a secret language, a talent (for lack of a better term) that my peers knew nothing about. HTML was frustrating and confusing -- just a series of symbols and nonsensical words that when placed in the wrong  order, created a huge mess of garbled words, links that linked to nothing and broken image icons. When placed in the right order, it created something pretty cool.

It wasn't just the design and coding that fascinated me. I had my own little spot on the Web. I loved to write, but afraid to read it to others, or even to see the reactions when others read it. On my Web site I could write anything I wanted, let all the thoughts spill out and I would never have to see my reader's face. I could be anyone I wanted to be. I was in control of the message, in control of the perception. That was power to a geeky, uncool high school student.

So I kept messing around with HTML until I ran out of space on my account at Marshall. My sister and I were big fans of Nsync, the 90's boyband (and as an aside, has it REALLY been over 10 years since that group was popular here? Mercy, I'm getting old.) We were building an Nsync Web site empire. That's when Geocities came in. We used it for storage of our many photos and files, but it was so much more than that.

For those who aren't familiar with Geocities, it was a web hosting service that allowed anyone to build a website. Pages were placed in specific "areas" -- Hollywood for Entertainment, "DC" for politics -- and the intent was to create a community of like minded individuals who could share information. Geocities was sort of the predecessor to today's social networks. Eventually that concept got too big and later on Geocities was bought by Yahoo for $4.7 million dollars and of course everything Yahoo touches turns to dust, so here we are now. 

You know the Web sites with lame, seizure inducing Under Construction icons, midi files that load on the page and make you long for hearing loss, the aforementioned mis-coded images that display as a blank box, borders with roses or cats playing with yarn, and scrolling text? That was probably built on Geocities, y'all. Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD. I wasn't the only one fascinated with the ability to publish anything I wanted for anyone to see.

Little did I know, all that time I spent on the Internet would allow me to  develop the skills and interests to do what I do now and GET PAID FOR IT. I get a paycheck every two weeks because Geocities allowed me to waste countless hours designing my own Web site.

So as the sun sets on another Yahoo Fail, I think back fondly on the days and nights that I toiled over my little piece of the Internet. RIP Geocities, RIP.

Online farming is way better than real farming

So I'm totally addicted to this game on Facebook, Farmville. I saw everyone and their mother (No..REALLY...even my friends mothers) "leaving city life for a farm of their own!" and I was all, right, this is exactly what I need because I am so bored all the time, NOT. So then my very own sister started a Farmville, so I thought there might be something to it.

And dude, I'm hooked. It's like your own little cartoon farmer and you can grown delicious fruits and veggies and raise animals of all kinds, and people give you gifts to put on your farm. The more you farm, the more Farm coins you get and the more STUFF YOU CAN BUY FOR YOUR FARM. I'm doing pretty awesome buying things for my farm:

That's a wishing well, wheelbarrow, crate&barrel, birdhouse, mailbox for all the mail I apparently get, a bike and a random pile of wood. I'm trying to get a ribbon for "Most Randomly Decorated Farm". I think that is the official name for it, too.

One time I planted a whole mess of pumpkins:

Then there was the time I was playing when my hubby was watching football. He said WOW and I totally thought he was talking about my farming skills. He is largely unimpressed with my farming skills and says it's lame. I think it TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.

The most awesome thing is when a black sheep or brown cow or ugly duckling shows up on your farm and you are charged with the task of finding him or her anew home. Then your other farming friends can adopt this weird random animal because the game makes you feel incredibly guilty about not adopting it.

Amanda found a sad Ugly Duckling on their farm. Oh no!

Amanda was farming when a sad, Ugly Duckling wandered onto their farm in FarmVille. This poor ducky ran away from his old home because the other ducklings made fun of him. He feels very sad and could use a new home.

I mean honestly.

But I've found that my enthusiasm for Farmville doesn't carry over to actual yardwork. That sucks, a lot. I think I'll stick to my virtual pineapples and aloe vera, thank you very much.

I'm such a good sister

I'm so nice to my sister. I found this item at JoAnne's Fabric in the Halloween decorations and thought she'd enjoy:




Me: This is a gift for your home.
Sis: What is it? An owl sculpture?
Me: More like a fuzzy owl collectible decoration.
Sis: Thanks, I will cherish it forever.
Me: Please keep it out all year 'round, not just at Halloween. Would you like the matching fuzzy raven?
Sis: Yes, that would be awesome.
Me: You can put them in a prominent place, like maybe when you first walk in.
Sis: I was thinking of hanging them right below my "Home Sweet Home" sign so everyone can see them as they walk in.
Me: Good call. Then you wouldn't have to worry about being burgled. They would scare burglars away.

So I pretty much just saved my sister and all the nice things she has in her home from being burgled.