McDonalds: Assaulting my eyes and ears as well as my stomach.

Ok, so we all know by now that I had a baby. And also, I'm on maternity leave. So there are times when a baby is needing to be rocked and I will sit my butt with the TV on and watch lots of interesting things.

Along with the interesting shows are maddening commercials.

I'm thinking about starting a new segment on the blog called Ad Nauseous, where I talk about commercials that bug me. In fact, I'm going to for sure start this.

Here's my first Ad Nauseous: The new commercial for the mocha caramel frappe.



This commercial literally burns into my brain. I will wake up at night with the song on a loop in my head, my imagination replaying those stupid hipster coffee fiends and their inane table drumming.

Some reasons why I hate this commercial:

- The table drumming. Really? Why. Just why. What purpose does this serve, besides being "interesting"? It doesn't make me want that coffee. It isn't cute. It isn't creative. In fact, it is a little embarrassing to me for some reason. I'm ashamed for those people. If this happened in real life, I would look away. And then I'd probably say, "What's wrong with those people?" Why do they act like they are in the running for a gold medal in table drumming at the Olympics? And the look on their faces at the end -- "NAILED IT!" I want to punch them. Both of them. I want to throw coffee in their smarmy faces.

- The girl who is drinking the mocha caramel while watching the table drummers and recording them with her iPhone. She's all bobbing her head like she's truly enjoying the show. Then she slowly sips the coffee and of course doesn't disturb the perfectly fluffed whipped cream on top. I want to walk by and push the cup into her face while she's drinking.

- McDonalds wants to make this a "viral video" SO BADLY, but what it comes down to is a viral video of a FAKE viral video. You know?

- I can't stand the song..UGGGHHH that song. It goes something like this: "Is that chocolate? Is that caramel? Is that expresso all mixed together? I MUST BE, I MUST BE, I MUST BE, I MUST BE DREAMING." Because McDonalds is the first place to mix these two flavors together. It's such a unique blend of flavors! Yes, you MUST be dreaming! What forward thinking mixologist came up with this brilliant plan? Because -- JACKPOT! OMG. I want to tell the person who wrote that song that the coffee is cooled and then watch as they gulp it down but it's actually hot, so they burn their throats.

So there you go, all that anger in a 30 minute second commercial. (edited to add, I said 30 minute commercial which must be my subconscious saying, "holy crap that commercial seems like it goes on forever!)

No porch light means I'm not interested

Last year Hubby and I went all out on Halloween. We carved an awesome pumpkin.

See? Awesome. Hubby carved that last year.

We had some spooky Halloween music and set up a nice little operation from our driveway, including some pretty stellar candy options. I'm not talking, like, the generic kids mix. I'm talking Hersey's bars, Kit Kats and Nerds.

We got about 3 kids. The rest of the candy went straight to my thighs.

This year we decided to be grinches, or whatever the Halloween equivalent is. Hubby and I went out to dinner and ran errands, then lost track of time and came home right about when Trick-or-Treat was starting and our street was SWARMING with those little sugar-hungry brats.

We rushed inside so we wouldn't be spied, left the door closed and the porch light off. A few minutes later, our doorbell rang.

Who sends their child up to a dark house? Seriously, who does that?

Luckily, we had some 6-month old suckers from ye olden days of my 1st trimester morning sickness, so I popped those bad boys in the bags of those eagerly awaiting children, while their mother graciously shone her flashlight onto our sidewalk so the kids could see the dark house they were approaching. The dark house containing who knows what manner of grumpy, angry people. I mean, hypothetically, if we're cantankerous enough to deny kids their God-given, red-blooded American right to free candy on Halloween, what other deep dark secrets could we be harboring?

And additionally, I thought the international sign for, "I'm not giving out candy because I hate you. Please go away" is to turn off your light. Maybe things have changed in the past 18 years since I've been begging for treats.

We decided since we've already broken the seal, as it were, that we'd flip on the light and continue giving out stale suckers until it was over. All in all, we got about 10 kids. That includes the kids who were in such a hurry that they couldn't wait 60 seconds for me to rock my pregnant butt out of the recliner and waddle to the door. Ungrateful.

Did you give out candy? What percentage of children, would you estimate, forgot to say either "Happy Halloween", "Thank you" or both?

The Great Frosty Taste Test

Who remembers when I threw a little conniption fit about our local Wendy's and their ONE working Frosty machine?

If you didn't read it, refresh yourself. It was quite the debacle.

As I was reading through my comments, I discovered Surferwife was giving me a little tough love. She said, in so many words, that I should at least try the vanilla frosty because I was acting no better than a child. She told me that she'd foot the bill for this 99 cent Frosty if it meant I would at least try it, for crying out loud.

What if little baby Blogworthy just LOVED vanilla Frostys and his Mom was being a meanie by refusing to eat one? Pathetic how I was denying my child his right to try vanilla ice cream.

I realized she had a point.

That's when the Great Frosty Taste Test was born. I told her on Twitter that if she would send me $1, I would buy a vanilla Frosty and taste it on a vlog.

OK before you watch, two things: speaking of debacles, this vlog was one in the truest sense of the word. I recorded with my webcam and NEVER AGAIN because it was over 2MB and although I left it uploading all night, it still had 1000 minutes left this morning. So I had to bring it to work, where it failed again. THEN I finally converted it and the sound is a little off from the video, but I think you'll get the point. Enjoy.

   AND
Proudly Present:

 

Did that endorsement make you want to run out and buy a Vanilla Frosty? Did I sound just as redneck as you'd imagine someone from West Virginia sounding? Have you had trouble posting vlogs before? Did it make you want to cut someone? Are you going to have a great weekend?

This post has been a part of Word Up, Yo!, a vocabulary meme. Go play along!