Man Cold - The Sequel

Just when you thought it was OK to put the Nyquil back in the medicine cabinet, it strikes. Like a thief in the night, it creeps in, leaving no human untouched.

THE MAN COLD.

I had two men in my house. Well, one man and one mini-man.

THE MAN COLD TIMES TWO.

And I also got it.

Welcome to my nightmare...FAMILY COLD.

It was a game of "who is sicker". It's a super fun game to play. Also in the same category of fun? "Who got less sleep?" (which I always win because guess who has two thumbs gets up to nurse the mini-man in the middle of the night: *this girl*)

So there were two of us, hacking and sneezing with a box of tissues tucked tightly between our pillows. Next to me was the bassinet holding our son who is also snotting and coughing. We're just one big snot factory. We're also a used tissue factory, or that's what it looks like on my husband's side of the bed. He used an entire box of tissues in one day. I'm not even mad. That's impressive.

We caught FAMILY COLD at the same time. By Friday I was feeling better. By Friday Hub was on his deathbed.

"You just don't understand. I am.............REALLY SICK."

Really sick? Like sort of how I had a cold while I was pregnant and could take approximately nothing other than vitamins and a hot bath?

"I need my rest. I mean, I'm wiped out, just exhausted."

Exhausted, yeah I can relate. Like when I carried an 8 lb 11 oz baby directly in front of me, then pushed him out, then stayed up for 48 hours with only an hour nap, then slept a few hours, then was up at 3 AM again every night for 4 weeks? That kind of exhausted?

"Baby, could you go get me [insert beverage, food or medicine here]? I just feel so lousy."

Sure, right after I feed the baby, change a blowout diaper, rock him until he stops fussing, then go to the bathroom because I've been holding it for hours, then get the dog some food because she's been tapping my arm for 20 minutes, then stick the paci back in 30 times. Right after all that.

"Sweetie, can you give me some more sympathy? Maybe rub my back?"

I....I have nothing.

I can't wait until I have two men in the house to experience MAN COLD!

*edited to add: Hub ended up going to the doctor and was, in fact, very sick. He received a steroid shot and two types of antibiotics. Well played, Man Cold....well played.*

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Diaper commercials know their target audience

More Ad Nauseous!

My television mainstay is TLC. Home of shows such as "A Baby Story" and "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant".

And clearly, TLC knows their target audience: pregnant women, women on maternity leave and stay at home Moms. Females between the ages of 20 and 40, presumably.

How do I know that's the target audience?

Diaper commercials. I mean, out the wazoo. I mean, also Fisher-Price and the occasional Bio-Oil stretch mark cream commercial, but mainly diapers. It's a compeitive market, I guess.

So the first one haunts me and I don't know why.




First thing's first: That song really gets stuck in my head. I wake up in the middle of the night (usually during a diaper change) and it's going through my mind. Well played, Huggies.

Second, I'm truly terrified of what this commercial says about my future. Does this mean that I'll be chasing an "on the move" baby through a party? I mean I've been on the other side, too. I used to be terrified of children. Actually, I still am terrified of any child older than mine. Which is a lot of children.

Toddlers terrify me the most. They are so mobile and so *fast*. How can little legs go so fast? And isn't that age about the time when their poop starts to become truly atrocious?

The last line of the commercial drives this point home:

"Good luck out there."

It's so condescending. It's like Huggies knows that I'll probably have a mental breakdown if this happened to me and wants to scare me even further. Good luck, you'll need it BECAUSE YOU SUCK AS A MOTHER AND PERSON (is what this says to me).

I think that's why this commercial piques my interest so much. I can't look, but I also can't look away.

There there's the Luv's commercial for "Blowout Protection" with those little cartoon babies.



I have yet to experience a true diaper blowout, but I'm starting to get used to the feeling of holding a diapered baby butt in my hand and feeling the poop fly out. Why so much force from such a little person?

And as an aside, there are days when I have to ask Hub if the farts I hear are actually his. At least 75% of the time, they are coming from our son.

Anyway, the first 50 times I saw this commercial it was funny. Really funny. That last baby? He is so damn proud of his big poop. And y'all, I love poop jokes, so this was right up my alley.

It's like the American Idol of feces. The Dancing with the Stars of farts. There is even a hip-hop baby, like Randy. "That one was juicy, dawg, but a little more force last time. A little. more. force."

But then it gets gross when, on the 51st time, you start to imagine what that blowout actually looks like in the third diaper. Eeks. And I just want to say, "someone please change those babies! Where are the adults?"

What are your favorite commercials (or commercials that drive you nuts?)