Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Pouring out a 40 for some fallen celeb couples

OMG you guys.

Courtney Cox and David Arquette are divorcing.

You know, for some wild reason I thought these two might make it. But there are some celebrity couples that don't shock you when they divorce. I mean it's too bad and a shame, but you hear about them in tabloids for months before and then they announce it and you're all, SNOOZE, like I didn't see that one coming.

But this one was a shocker. They bamboozled me.

E! wrote about the "anatomy of a breakup" to try to help us mourning fans determine what happened. Unfortunately, things are pretty hazy from the birth of their daughter in 2004 till June 2010, but after that it's clear that David wasn't ready to settle down and be a family man, even after 11 years of marriage.

But the saddest thing is that, according to the article, they told their daughter during a family picnic.

A FAMILY PICNIC.

Let's set the scene here for one moment. It's a lovely fall day. You're chilling with Mom and Dad, two at least one working, crazy busy parent, so yeah.....a nice picnic with them is kind of nice. You're getting ready to dig into your turkey sandwich, extra cheese, white bread and mustard when suddenly your Dad, who has as recently as 20 minutes before this picnic drank a 40 of malt liquor and is currently at least 2.5 sheets to the wind, says, "Guess what, sweetie, because I can't stop reliving my fraternity boy days, your Mom and I are going to be splitting up."

And then let's fast forward 12 years in the future and their daughter is dating some handsome young feller and he's laying it on THICK, guys, I'm talking roses and boom boxes over his head and hand written cards and songs penned specifically for her and played on his guitar using the 2 chords he actually knows. And he picks  her up for an afternoon date and she's all, "so, where are we going?" and he's all "it's a surprise." So then you show up at a lovely, quiet park and in the distance she spies a picnic basket and basic checkered tablecloth spread lovingly on the ground.

Panic and the smell of Olde English 800 suddenly sweep over you.

And that's how picnics were ruined for poor little CoCo Arquette forever.

Do you feel sorry for this couple? Aren't you glad you're not a celebrity couple? How awesome was Friends, anyway? What exactly has David Arquette been in?


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24 comments:

gv said... Reply to comment

Yes boo that they're getting divorced-totally sad, kind of like Bruce and Demi! Two-why are they filming a Scream 4? I mean really, come on...Three, did you hear Christina Aguilara and her hub are split up?

notquiteawake said... Reply to comment

I didn't know that they were divorcing! Sad. I guess I don't feel that bad being 35 years old, single and divorced....because Courtney Cox and I are the same....

Sarah Mac said... Reply to comment

I was so very sad when I heard about their split. Maybe now Courtney and Jen Aniston can raise little CoCo together and teach her that most men are complete jerkfaces.

Friends was the greatest. I think I need to pull out my Friends DVDs this weekend.

JMJE said... Reply to comment

As you know I was deeply troubled by this split. I wikipideied them to find out just how long they had been together (even before they were married)and what possibly could have gone wrong. Sads. But yeah a picnic might not have been the best choice. The only movies that I know David Arquette was in are the Scream Movies. I guess now Monica is free to get with Chandler. Silver lining.

just call me jo said... Reply to comment

I know! I know! I was crushed too. With the state of the economy and Chilean miners underground for 68 days, I still manage to feel bad for Coco and her mom. She probably should not have married that perpetual child.

Cecelia Winesap said... Reply to comment

I didn't think they would make it when they first got together, but the longer they were together, the more I thought they actually would make it. I guess I was right to begin with. :)

Salt said... Reply to comment

Wasn't David Arquette in the Scream movies?

I don't feel bad for this couple. They had an "open marriage". Gross. I feel more sorry for Christina Aguiliera. Or however the hell you spell it.

foxy said... Reply to comment

I have to say, I really didn't see this one coming. I can already see the double dates with BFF Jen and a couple of hotties coming our way!!

Brooke said... Reply to comment

Okay. That. Was hilarious. I never considreed that the poor kid would have an aversion to picnics after this. Great visuals, as always.

Aimee said... Reply to comment

Wow I do feel sorry for them. I thought for sure they would last. That really sucks.

That was also a horrible way to tell their daughter. Boo on them

MariahSmile said... Reply to comment

Your little scene you've imagined could be so true! haha but not haha! Their breakup totally caught me by suprise too.

Anonymous said... Reply to comment

There's a divorce epidemic in Hollywood right now. I don't know what she saw in him in the first place.

Hutch said... Reply to comment

I'm glad I was 3 when my parents split up and not at a picnic with a memory that I'd be fully capable of looking back on.

Did you hear about Gavin Rossdale's new confession? It's not new-new, but people are now speculating on their marriage too!

SurferWife said... Reply to comment

Swear to G, if Tom Hanks and Rita ummm whatever her name is? Let's just use Hanks, split I will bomb Hollywood.

I was always confused about Dave and Court. They never quite matched in my opinion. He's a dork.

And I would like to adopt CoCo.

She would be CoCo Cocco.

The Blogging Goddess said... Reply to comment

I love the way you describe the break up...and that poor girl. Wonder if she swigged the malt after that??

Natalie said... Reply to comment

Sigh. I thought they might make it too.

It makes no sense to me that he's such a ladies man because he's such a dork!

Can you imagine Courtney & her BFF hitting the town together?

Liz said... Reply to comment

I think this post title needs to be reused for future Hollywood breakups. Pouring out a 40 was just an awesome way to start things off.

I, too, thought they would last. That they were just quirky enough and just not-in-the-spotlight enough to make it.

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said... Reply to comment

I was really surprised to hear that they're breaking up. I actually thought these two might have made it.

Stephanie in Suburbia said... Reply to comment

Dude, I was a little sad and then you painted the picnic picture and now I'm reaching for the razorblades!! Yikes!

The Random Blogette said... Reply to comment

I was surprised about this but I remember hearing Courtney in interviews talk about how they were constantly in marriage counseling. If you always have to be in marriage counseling then I am thinking that your marriage is not going to turn out so well. Maybe it's just me. My local radio station had a big discussion about this yesterday saying how David Arquette spilled a whole bunch of stuff that he probably shouldn't have on Howard Stern about the divorce. Yeah probably not going to be a good thing on his end.

Also, poor Coco. I feel sorry for that little girl.

Alexandra said... Reply to comment

You know, it's never a good sign when you have to plan your honeymoon around your hubby's methadone clinic visits...

just sayin'..open your eyes, fool!

Alexandra said... Reply to comment

not you, the pregnant mama a fool, but courtney, she be the fool...

how's the baby baking coming along???

Anonymous said... Reply to comment

I'm shocked by this!! I hadn't heard anything about it, but I also thought they would make it. Sad.

Deidra said... Reply to comment

Ah, Friends was amazing! I have been also wondering who David Arquette is besides her husband...

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