Y'all, I'm getting ready to be rich in like 2 seconds

Do you ever have those days where everything is just going right for you? Traffic is light, coffee was already brewed when you got in to the office, the sun is shining and you open your email to no less than three investment opportunity offers? That's totally my life, people.

I just don't know how I got so lucky. I mean, I never realized when I submitted my email address to sign up for yet another newsletter or access another quiz that it would  possibly bring me so much fortune. I could totally use some big bags of money and since XM still won't pay me to be their 90's on 9 spokeswoman (each and every song on that station is my JAM), I feel so blessed.

Here's the first one from Mr. Yuan Jinyang.

Mr. Jinyang, I will  forgive you for calling me paul and unnecessarily scaring me with EMERGENCY EMAIL!!! Because you know what? This was an emergency. A money making emergency. USD45,275,000.00 doesn't just make itself, you know. I'm pretty sure that he means over $45 million times a million. I can't even do that math; I tried to multiply that bad boy on my phone calculator and my phone turned off. It's like my phone died from the shock of me having that much money.

And if Mr. Jinyang's email wasn't exciting enough, I got this one, too:

Listen, Mario -- can I call you Mario? Mr. Douglas sounds so formal --please don't apologize for finding my name through that search engine inquiry because the main thing is you found me. It's just amazing that two people can find each other amongst the wilds of the World Wide Web, that vast and unexplored virtual territory, and create a beautiful investment opportunity together. We'll make sweet, sweet money.

I hope it's OK that I'm not director or CEO of anything. Actually, I'm Director of Household Operations. Does that count? I'm confident it does. I'm also confident that this IS a unique opportunity and this email hasn't gone out to any other directors or CEO. More money for me that way.

I hear Peninsula Island British is lovely this time of year.

Then here is the most amazing one of all. Before you read on, please promise me you wont' get jealous. Jealousy is really ugly and it doesn't look good on you. You're so much better than that emotion. Besides, I promise I'll share all this money with you, my bloggy friends.

Now here's the email that shocked me most....a message from  Mrs. Suha Arafat.

Here's the full text:

INVESTMENT PARTNERSHIP PROPOSAL:
From: Mrs. Suha Arafat:
Dear Friend,
My name is Mrs. Suha Arafat, the wife of late Yasser Arafat, the Palestinian leader who died six years ago in Paris. I got your email address from lists of Emails Leads of World Population Achieves Data from the internet.
The reason why I writing you is to seek your partnership on a transaction of mutual benefit to you and me. If you are interested in partnering with me for investments, please provide me with the following listed information:
.
YOUR NAME IN FULL
YOUR OFFICE OR RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS
TEL, MOBILE AND FAX NUMBER.

Upon hearing from you, I will get back to you with details.
Respectfully Submitted,

Mrs. Suha Arafat.

Why, you want to share your bags of money with lil ol me? Sign me up, friend! I knew that adding my email to the Emails Leads of World Population Achieves Data database would really pay off someday in a real kind of way.

I'm going to email her and see if I can go ahead and get an advance on the money I'll be making. I think, like, $40k would be fiiiiine. Yes, that will hold me over. And I know she's good for it.

So, thank you Jesus, for Mrs. Arafat, Mr. Yuan Jinyang and Mr. Mario Joe Douglas. And thank you AOL for not sending these directly to my spam folder. And yes, it's AOL - DON'T HATE.