Beware of the Man Cold

I mentioned last post that we're in the middle of Man Cold 2010 (the sequel). It's brutal. Hubby is a teacher, so his biggest work hazard is his school is a petri dish of germs. It's not even a public school, either. It's a Christian school, and *somebody* isn't doing their job praying hard for healthy students.

This isn't the first Man Cold of the season here at my house. No, Man Cold 2010 struck in mid-January. It was proceeded by Christmas Man Cold 2009. And in between, the kidney stones fiasco. So yeah, basically my home as been an infirmary for the better part of 3 months.

I had a cold, too, around Christmas. And then also picked up some weird chest cold in January. But the sink can only hold so many dishes and Hubby was out of clean undies, so I kept chugging along. Can't keep a good woman down.

Anyway. Man Cold. These two words can strike fear into every wife or girlfriend's heart. They can cause white hot rage to burn from her skin and muscle strain from all the eye rolling. It's been this way from the beginning of time, you know. Below is a cave drawing of a pre-historic Man Cold:

 

Authentic cave drawing.

That's clearly a woman who is angry with caveman who has a Man Cold. And she's apparently about to hit him with some pre-historic animal bone (good call, lady). That's a stone pillow and trash can. So I've been told.

Remember how Henry VIII had Anne Bolyen beheaded? It's a little known fact this happened because she warmed up his chicken noodle soup by putting it in a bowl in the microwave instead of warming it up gently on the stove. DUH.

How do you know you have a Man Cold happening in your home?

1. Do you have a man who lives with you?

If yes, go to question 2. If no, you do not have a man cold in your home.

2. Please answer "yes" or "no" to the following questions:

• Are there wadded up, wet tissues littering the floor surrounding, but not actually IN, the trash can?
• In the past two hours have you been told any of the following? "I feel horrible." "I'm the sickest I've ever been." "I'm going to lay down on your lap." "I think I might have pneumonia."
• Have you been asked, "Do I feel hot to you?" more than once in the past three days?
• Have you cleaned up more than five different, half-drunk glasses of juice or ginger ale from the coffee table?
• Are there more than four bottles of ibuprofen, NyQuil or other other-the-counter medications on your kitchen counter, dining room or coffee table?
• In the past 24 hours, have you had to explain that ER doctors don't typically treat common colds?
• Has your man spent more than 4 non-sleeping hours in bed between 9 AM and 11 PM?
• Have you been asked to move from the couch because the man wanted to completely stretch out?
• Have you been snapped at more than four times in the past week because you forgot a fork, napkins or beverage?
• Did you say "Oh, you poor thing" at all in the past 7 days?

If you answered "yes" to two or more of these questions, then friend, you are in the midst of a Man Cold. My deepest sympathies to you.

I know I'm not the only one. Here's a WebMD article on the phenomenon. What do y'all do to stay sane during Man Colds?