Our Disney Sports Weekend (Volume 2): Econo Lodge ain't playing

I'm sure you've all been waiting eagerly to hear the next installment of my Disney Sports Weekend story, so I'll go back to Saturday evening before I got famous.

We usually don't stay overnight at Disney because I work for a not-for-profit and my husband works for a Christian school, so his riches are in Heaven and mine are invested back into our community (i.e. we're poor people). So when we do, it's crucial that we stay at some really fine cheap establishments. I usually just go on Expedia or wherever and choose the lowest price in the area.We've stayed at some dooseys, let me tell you. And this particular Econo Lodge was, like, $30 bucks a night with tax. Listen, beggars can't be choosers.

We drove out of the sparkly, happy fairyland of the Disney resort area and into Kissimmie where unscrupulous people try to sell you time-shares, steal all your money with fake tickets and cheap t-shirts, and con you into taking their "high speed transportation" (read: van) to Disney although it takes 4 years to get there. But look! They feed you a continental breakfast before you go, HOW NICE OF THEM.

Hubby pulled into the Econo Lodge parking lot and the sign blinked  "CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN!" and also "COMPUTERS IN EVERY ROOM!"  Hubby said, "This place doesn't look like we'll get murdered too hard here." and I said, "yeah, and it's clean. And there are computers?"

You know a place is super-classy when you see the little bullet-proof glass window for all check-ins after 10 pm. I love those places. It makes me feel very safe and secure and not at all like I need to keep pepper-spray under my pillow.

Anyway, we found out upon check in that there were indeed computers in every room and we could access them for the low, low cost of $2.95 per night. I'm thinking, no way is there a computer in that room, they must have their crazy pants on or something. I mean let's refer back for a moment to the bullet-proof glass check-in and then consider that crack addicts looking for something to steal and sell for their next fix know there are computers in every room BECAUSE IT'S ON THE GIANT FLASHING SIGN. So there really was no way I wouldn't get murdered in my sleep that night if there was, in fact, a computer in my room.

And damned if there wasn't a computer in our freaking room. Like a full-on desktop computer bolted to the desk.

We surveyed the room and I said, "it doesn't look too dirty at all!" because that was the high standard by which I was judging this room. "Look! There is a bed and a toilet and a shower! We can definitely sleep and poop and wash our bodies in this room!" NEVERMIND the coaxial on the TV was from the stone ages and therefore no longer worked and we had to call to get it fixed. The guy who answered the "fix it" line asked if we wanted a credit or for him to fix it. Yes, a credit on basically nothing. Actually I wish I would have taken the credit to be honest.

We dropped our bags off and then went to this lovely wing place, which turned out to be a Hooters knock off. The perky little hostess came up to us and I think we were both so shocked at her lack of pants that we were all, "yes, a table for 2 please" like it was the nicest fancy place on the planet. Honestly, I feel a little uncomfortable with so much boob and butt-cheek showing. I don't frequent Hooters, I mean more power to those little ladies and I'm not all "Shameful!" and clutching my pearls or anything. It's just not my kind of place. But we were hungry and already there and Hubby and I both had a ton of pity for our waitress and her fake eyelashes and nails and one-size-too-small boyshorts. He said he felt a little weird being a faux-Hooters as a married man (that means I have him securely wrapped around my little finger.) The food wasn't that bad, actually.

It was called Ker's Winghouse (and here is Ker, the founder, not creepy AT ALL), and it was like Hooters' not-so-pretty-or-talented-sister-who-acts-slutty-to-make-up-for-it. There was so much nakedness framed on the walls of this joint. And they had the most terrible slogan: "Need we say more!" -- written just like that. Firstly, yes, please do say more because that slogan makes no sense to me. Secondly, why is there an exclamation mark, because isn't that a question? "Need we say more? Please answer yes or no." That bothered me a lot.

Well after dinner we went back to the hotel and delighted in the fact that all our things were still in the room and there were no dead bodies! And as I'm getting my bathroom bag from the desk, I notice this sign:

So basically, if you take anything, even by accident, they will charge you for it. Because in the real world, pillows are worth that much, as are the faded bedspreads from 1992. P.S. Who would take a hotel bedspread? That's nasty on so many different levels. Econo Lodge isn't even messing around, y'all. They are serious as a heart attack about their white washcloths and towels.

There is also this:

Um, you guys....IT'S A LAMINATED MENU. I mean it would probably cost 50 cents to copy a new one and laminate it because you know if they have computers in every room, they must have a laminating machine up in that Econo Lodge. But conversely, who roaming God's green pastures would steal a hotel menu? I wonder if there is a charge associated with it...

In the morning we mosey downstairs for our free, continental breakfast. Now ponder for a second in your brains what continental breakfast means to you. Toast, pastry and juice, or eggs, bacon and gravy? If it's the latter, I'm sorry friend, but you're in for a long life of disappointment.

Toast, generic-city-USA pastries and juice were on the menu. But of course, this older lady was talking Hubby's ear off about everything under the sun and at one point says, "This really isn't much of a breakfast, is it? Tsk-tsk." and Hubby and I looked at each other like, "Really? You expected more than this when a night's lodging and breakfast is less than one meal at Ker's Winghouse?" (I told you -- LONG LIFE OF DISAPPOINTMENT!)

Tomorrow or maybe Saturday, I'll share Volume 3 of this epic weekend trip. This one will be very picture heavy and not so many words.