They forgot to invite Shania Twain to the Olympics

So, you guys, the Olympics!

Friday night we watched most of the Opening Ceremonies but I was so tired that I fell asleep during the athlete parade (I KNOW! Hard to believe after all the hype and excitement I exuded the other day). It was probably the wild and crazy loaded-with-carbs early Valentine's Day Dinner we had just gotten back from eating.

Aside: We decided to do V-Day on Friday night instead of Sunday (because nothing says "I Love You" more than waiting 2 hours for a table and then getting poor service from a harried, overworked, bitter college student taking our order on the actual day). It was good. Then we went to Cold Stone to grab ice cream for desert and all the teenage kids stared at us because we were all dressed up.

*stepping up on my soapbox* Why don't people dress up for nice dinners anymore? When did gym shorts and holey t-shirts become fine dining apparel? I'm not talking McDonalds here, I'm talking $30-bucks-for-a-4-oz-steak-are-you-out-of-your-mind? kind of places. *stepping back down*

THEN we rushed in (and by rushed I mean walked slowly in the door, put on our PJs and proceeded to fall into a carb coma) and started the Opening Ceremony. I was about 2 hours behind everyone, so I had to stay off Twitter. I did get a text from a friend who said, "What's up with all those Indians!?" and I was all, "India has a strong showing at the Winter Olympics? Who knew". And she said, "You'll see."

Boy, did I ever see. I texted her back with, "Oh, THOSE kinds of Indians!"

But before it even started, Tom Brokaw got all up in our business about how amazing Canada is. Hubby and I looked at each other and said, "We need to go to Canada STAT."

So first, 15,00 (approximately) Indians danced around and then that kid's all running and flying and splashing people, and then there was the freaking ginormous polar bear and the fake mountain with the crazy fake snowboarders that got Shawn White all hot and bothered, and then the devil having a fiddle face-off with himself in canoe, kicking all sorts of ass. And OH THE FIDDLING, the punk-rock tapdancing fiddlers, like are you kidding me? That's awesome. Truly awesome.

Lest we forget SLAM POETRY Y'ALL. Slam poetry about how nice Canadians are; the most legendary slam poetry in the history of the world.

And at some point, Bryan Adams sang a song about drums with Nelly Furtado who is a stealth Canadian. Do you know who else is Canadian? Ryan Reynolds *lick, purrrr*.

(We won't mention the torch lighting fiasco. It's OK, Canada, that stage was probably built by AMERICANS trying to ruin your night.)

I personally thought it was very entertaining. Since then I've heard haters hatin' on it, and I just want to say to them SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME and also, your MOM hates the opening ceremonies! Which then I realize makes no sense but saying mean things about the Opening Ceremonies puts me into a word-rage and I can't control what comes out of my mouth. I mean the Canadians tried so hard and they are so nice and get made fun of so much; making fun of the Opening Ceremony is like punching a kitten for being so cute -- rude and unnecessary and what the heck is wrong with you, punching a kitten? Low life.

I'll go ahead and proclaim this blog as a Canada Loving Zone. Maybe I'll even make a button for it.

On the way to work this morning I was trying to find some good tunage and landed on XM Prime Country (country music from the 90s) and Shania Twain came on, just fiddiling like there is no tomorrow and I had an ephiphany: I totally get Shania Twain and her obsession with fiddles. And it's only taken, like, 15 years. SHE'S CANADIAN.




Look at that guy fiddling up a freaking storm of awesomeness. I bet he's Canadian, too. Everything makes so much more sense now.

Have y'all enjoyed the Olympics so far?