One of my worst fears is coming to fruition tomorrow afternoon

The hands of the clock will slip quickly around, mocking me and myselfish wish that time stand still.  Or if not stand still, move even more quickly, bringing a swift end to my forthcoming terror. I will nervously scrub the kitchen counters, terrified to walk into the living room, worried that if I get to close to the front door they'll see me, ask if they can come in, invade my home.  I will anxiously rehearse what I will say if they speak to me, how I'll react once their eyes meet mine. My heart will beat thunderously in my chest. My palms will sweat. I'll jump as the doorbell rings. They'll be here, and there will be no turning back.

My hubby is a middle school teacher and coach at a Christian school. Tomorrow he's invited the whole varsity basketball team over to watch NFL football. This is the source of my extreme anxiety.

Dramatic? Ok, maybe a little. But for real, you guys, teenagers scare the crap out of me. Like what on earth are you supposed to talk to them about? I have no clue at all. I feel the same about little kids, too. If they can talk and below the age of about 18, I really cannot relate.

What do we talk about? I don't know anything about sports. What else do teenage boys want to talk about? The worst part is that they are polite beyond all reason and call me Mrs. Austin and that's very odd to me, so then I feel like I have to be extra prim and proper and grown-up, which shouldn't be hard for me but is, even though I'm almost twice their age. I feel like I can' talk to them like grown-ups, but they also aren't 5.There is no middle ground for me. I don't have enough experience even being around teenagers to understand them.

Then above all that, all I can think of is what they will say in school to their peers when they're asked how the visit to Mr. Austin's house was. "Oh, it was fun but it smelled like cat poop and Mrs. Austin is a weirdo." I can't fathom that they would say anything different than that? Oh my God, I'm freaked out about it.

Naturally, I'll end up hiding the whole time in my bedroom or the craft room. I'm thankful for my new laptop so I can be connected to the real world while I'm in my self-imposed exile. I collected a nice stack of US Weeklies, Better Homes and Gardens and catalogs. I might even go out and about for awhile just to get away. Maybe I'll do some running to relieve my stress. Maybe I'll sneak some booze into my room and drink. I'm up for anything, as long as anything includes me being as far away from them as possible.

 There are two things that really terrify me in this world: clowns and teenage boys. I feel like they know. They can see and smell fear. Teenage boys are brutal and frightening. This is why I don't have children!